Day 280: The Best Dressed Garbage Man In The Land

At the dinner table last night, we revisited that ultimate question #1 for kids (where the answer changes every half hour or so): "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Calen has stayed pretty consistent through the years. After a short stint of aspiring to be a Coast Guard Fireman, he's remained confident that he will either be a monster truck driver, a fighter pilot or a scientist. To keep his options open, you know. 

Camden changes about as often as he changes socks (which, if you know Cam on a personal level, you will know that he has issues with his socks being stinky, or sweaty, or used for more than 5 minutes, and rips his socks off the second he comes in the door, and will insist on a fresh pair if he goes outside again). He switches between 4 careers: a football player, a hockey player, a guy in the "Ba-lympics" (Olympics), and for a long time (for him) he wanted to be a "Coast Guard Guy", much to Brad's delight. 

But last night at the dinner table he shocked us all by announcing a completely new career choice for himself: a garbage truck driver. 

"So I can drive the stinky truck and use the crane to lift the trash cans and dump out all the stinky trash!" (giggles). "AND IT STINKS!!"

Well, that's pretty fitting for him. 

He's also been obsessed with his Christmas tie this week and gets upset if I say he can't wear it to the playground or in bed. 

Maybe he'll be the best dressed garbage man in the land when he grows up. 

And what a cute little garbage man he'll be too. Also his tie. 

Day 279: Step Aside, Griswolds

After a full weekend (and one weekday) of working outside detangling lights, hanging lights, buying more lights, feeding extension cords, building trees out of pallets and drilling holes into the dirt with a power drill (true story) to make the giant walkway bulbs stake in neatly, we finally got the house decorated for Christmas!

Because if you don't pay for electricity (when you live on base), you might as well take advantage of it.

Step aside, Griswolds. The Hansen's are coming through.

People are already slowing down and turning off their headlights to pass the house. I should charge admission.

It pays to have a corner unit of the townhome. Also it took Brad and neighbor Nick an entire day to get those lights and ornaments in the tree.

Brad made me pallet trees!! Also that present it the neighborhood water shutoff or something that we just covered and wrapped for them. 

Also we added the Hoth Battle in the form of Darth Vader and an igloo because that screams Christmas. And snow underneath. Our next door neighbor is currently making us a "Hoth" rebel base sign to put in front. 

Our front porch. Please appreciate the extension cord plethera

Side yard. Snowflake projector up high and "ornaments" hanging off our fence

Front of our joined garage. The No-L sign (Get it? GET IT?? Say it outloud..."No-El...NOEL") has been part of my family traditions since childhood. 

Day 278: The Things We Do For Our Kids

Camden's second favorite toy (because his Star Wars "guys" will always be #1) are his micro-machines. He has two sets of micro-machines: Star Wars ones that he got last year, and the original micro-machines from the early 90s (that were Brad's) featuring little tanks and missile launchers and teensy, weensy soldier guys. 

Yesterday, Cam brought downstairs one(!) tiny little camo-clad soldier man to play with in the living room. Which is like bringing a pebble to the beach and expecting not to lose it. 

Inevitably it disappeared yesterday evening and Cam went into almost-hysterics over the loss of his FAVORITE guy (for that hour anyways). He wandered around the house lost with worry, calling out his name "Leader Guy! Leader GUY!!! Where ARE you??" and whining that he can't find it (without really looking). I for one didn't even make an attempt to find it, assuming a dog had licked it and unintentionally swallowed it or a house fly swooped down and picked it up or a slight breeze sent it flying under the sofa. Like we'd ever see that thing again. 

Fast forward to this afternoon and I finally got home from running errands and went to vacuum the living room rug, which had the fluffy remains of a stuffed dog toy Sonic had decimated this morning all over it. As I'm vacuuming I see something tiny, like a speck of dirt. But my brain recognized it a nanosecond too late and "Leader Guy" gets sucked into the vacuum cleaner. 

Well shit. 

At first I decided that we as a family needed to cut our losses and say goodbye to our tiny 4 star general. But Cam really wanted to find it, and I knew where it was.....somewhere in that canister of a week's worth of vacuumed up debris. 

Yay.

So, I slowly emptied the canister, sitting on a stool in the kitchen holding clumps of dog hair, dust, Christmas tree needles and dead dog toy fluff, sifting through it with my bare hands for 45 minutes until finally one of the last clumps I checked (always) had a tiny, disheveled soldier inside it. 

Victory!

The things we do for our kids, I tell you. 

Endnote: Camden was extremely grateful and carried him around all evening. I'll bet you a thousand dollars it will get lost again by tomorrow morning. 

Day 277: Reindeer Games

We were extraordinarily busy today decorating the outside of our house for Christmas. And we still aren't done because Griswolds, you guys. But those pictures are for another day when it's finished. 

Fred the elf brought the boys new Reindeer hats upon his arrival Thanksgiving night. Today after church (and unfortunately not during) they were sporting them around the house while watching the original Burl Ives' Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. 

And matching Christmas Star Wars shirts, let's not forget.

This is the best season ever. 

Day 276: Hey Griswold, Where You Gonna Put A Tree That Big?

We went out on our annual family excursion to find the perfect Christmas tree and chop it down. 

Blah blah blah why not get an artificial tree blah blah blah because it's the same boring tree every year blah blah blah and not nearly as fun. 

When it comes to Christmas trees, the bigger is better. 

Like, Griswold bigger. 

So, we walked around a large U-Cut tree lot looking for the perfect big tree. 

"Awww look it's a BABY tree!"

We found it! Let's chop it down! No we didn't. It didn't have a tag on it so we weren't allowed to. The ONE U-Cut tree we liked!

Maybe we will U-Cut Cam...

The problem with growing up in the Evergreen State (Washington), we are spoiled with Christmas trees. Every tree in every lot was plump, full, healthy and BIG. Here in lameass California, where we are probably 6 years into their "5 year drought", the trees are scraggly, bare and unimpressive. 

So, we walked around for an hour and a half only to end up picking a pre-cut Noble fir that was most likely imported from Oregon. 

What can we say, we're tree snobs. 

This glorious beast of a tree is FULL and HUGE. Not quite cut-a-hole-into-the-ceiling huge but definitely brought up some burning concerns of "will we be able to walk past this damn thing without climbing over the sofa" and "we need to shave a good foot off the top so the star will fit". 

Which means it's a good Griswold tree. 

After I spent 2 hours and 15 strands of mini bulbs to light the tree, I gave kids almost free reign of putting ornaments on the tree. You know, other than the dozen or so uber-breakable ones, which I put up higher than they can reach anyways. Because boys. And puppies. 

First out of the box was my FAVORITE Disney World ornament from our first trip, which I snatched and said "I get to put this one up!", mostly because it was breakable. And just as I was about to hook it on a branch, it slipped out of my hands and shattered on the damn floor. I might have cried over it. But luckily Brad has a knack for super glue and somehow repaired the thing so you can't really notice unless you look for it. 

They did a terrific job decorating this year. I only had to follow behind them 10% of the time or so and relocate ornaments that just weren't going to work in their location according to my type-A brain. 

Finis!

Then I helped Brad paint some pallet trees he's making me in the garage, and after the kids went to bed we watched National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, which is basically the best Christmas movie of all time. 

Hey Griswold, where you gonna put a tree that big?
Bend over and I'll show ya!

Day 275: If You're Going To Do It, Do It Right

Last night Fred, the stupid elf on a shelf, came back to our house for the holiday season. Commence another season of crawling into bed at 11pm and whispering "shit, I forgot to move the stupid elf!!" each night. 

And so you're probably like "well then why the hell do you even do the elf on a shelf?" The answer is, when your preschooler (the firstborn, 3 years ago) comes home from school and announces that all his friends have elves coming from the North Pole to live at their house and why don't we have one move into our house?!, you do what it takes. We will squeeze out believing in Santa until the last drop (at 7 and 5 we still have two believers), so if an elf is what it takes, so be it. 

Brad and I decided that Fred needed to come back with a bang, but I honestly wasn't ready to go big last night after black Friday shopping. So, Fred made a quiet appearance last night and brought a new Christmas shirt for each kid and a reindeer hat and a coloring book, and saved the BANG for tonight. 

Because if you're going to do the elf on a shelf, you might as well do it WELL. 

Try to find Fred the Elf! He's here somewhere...

And what kid doesn't want to come downstairs with Darth Vader standing in their living room holding a candy cane?! 

I keep staring at him over my laptop and laughing. 

Maybe we should just leave him inside. 

Day 274: Turkey Day

It's Thanksgiving you guys!! Wasn't last week like June or something??

We had a wonderful holiday here. Brad roasted this gihugant 26 pound turkey that we named Hilda while the kids and I watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade and colored Thanksgiving placemats. Then a couple Coast Guard families came over and we had a nice quiet Thanksgiving dinner and ate a dozen paper plates worth of food while watching football and planning our Black Friday shopping spree. 

And that's really all there is to report, the same thing every other family has to report today. Turkey, football, pie, shopping. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

Completely politically correct Indian hats the kids made. Sue me. 

Filling out their placemats. Camden said he was thankful for Dad, Mom, TV and Santa. At least he covered all his bases. 

Turkey dinner!!

5 boys eating pie. 

Day 273: Where Doesn't Matter

We took a family trip to our local Lowe's today, to pick up a few things to add to our outdoor Christmas decorations. You know like 47 more strands of lights and two garlands and that sort of things. 

Okay so it was only like 5 boxes of lights. And two garlands. 

Actually the garlands were bought earlier this week. 

So anyways, you walk into Lowe's and they have quite possibly the coolest Christmas section in the history of hardware store Christmas sections, including this awesomely GINORMOUS "Joy" sign. 

Note my kids to the left for scale. 

Also that creepy soldier guy about to eat my kids. 

Of course the first thing I say to myself is "I WANT THAT." And then I'm arguing with myself "WHERE the hell would you put a Joy sign that's as big as my house" and then I go "WHERE doesn't matter, look at that stupendously oversized thing! It's fantastic! It's HUGE! It's Christmas!!!"

I did not win the argument with myself and did not buy the Joy sign. But I wanted to. I wanted to. 

Day 272: The Mud Bath

As per our usual weekday routine, the boys spent the later afternoon at the playground by our house with two or three other households' worth of boys, all of which live on this block.

The boys at one point came back for rain boots, which is always suspicious, saying they needed them "to jump in the mud."

Okay, who cares. Go jump in the mud. You're on vacation. 

It wasn't until one of the really little neighbor boys comes over and says that his big brother (who's 5 and in Camden's class) is stuck in the mud that his mom and I decide to go investigate. Like, is he really stuck in the mud or is he just being dramatic? 

Oh no, he was stuck. His shoes were completely immersed in this deep sticky mud monster and you could hardly tell where the mud ended and the shoes began. He ended up simply stepping out of his shoes in order to escape this treacherous predicament and walked home in muddy socks (lol). Which left the shoes, still stuck in the mud. 

We couldn't simply pull it out, they were so stuck. So no less than five muddy boys begin pulling on the shoes, shoving sticks underneath and trying to pry them out of the mud. 

There's shoes in there. Can you see them?

We finally liberated the shoes which may never be their original color ever again. Afterwards they continued to play in the mud for another hour. We as parents determined that this was totally okay, I'd rather they be playing in a mud wallow instead of staring at a video game screen every day of the week.

The boys were so dirty they actually had to soak in a bubble bath once I realized halfway through Cam's shower that we needed to take drastic measures to get him clean. Gross. 

After the mud bath and dinner we had family game night and played a rousing game of Sorry Sliders. Which is way better than original Sorry and the kids loved it. 

Day 271: Thanksgiving Break?

The kids are on Thanksgiving break. 

You heard me. Thanksgiving break. So instead of them getting Thanksgiving and Friday off, they get the whole damn week. For Thanksgiving?!

No wonder they start school in August and still don't get done until June. 

Longest drawn out school year ever. 

I decided that the world needs less chaos from the news and social media and more Christmas decorations. So the kids and I went to the "hot dog store" (Calen's lifelong name for Costco) and had a cheap lunch and battled the 15,000 other people getting their entire Thanksgiving dinner shopping done, so that we could pick up two pre-lit garlands for our living room. 

Priorities, people. 

I also decided that waiting until past Thanksgiving to decorate for Christmas wasn't going to happen this year. So it's Christmas in this house. 

And I like it. 

Day 270: What Do You Call A Pack Of Tornadoes

It was not an exciting day today. I've been battling chronic vertigo that I've had since the day we traveled home from Florida. And today Brad complained of dizziness too. So between us, we are stumbling around hugging the walls as the world spins around us like a pack of tornadoes.

What do you call a pack of tornadoes, anyways?

So that's it for the blog tonight. Here's to hoping we both feel better tomorrow. 

Day 269: It's Like Early Christmas

Now that we're done unpacking and sleeping in and getting back to our regularly scheduled program, the kids opened up some of their new toys that they had picked out for themselves at Disney. 

Calen spent the day building this gargantuan Star Wars Lego set and Cam played with a bucket of Toy Story aliens for the majority of the day. 

If only I could be so easily entertained. 

Day 268: The Gun Show

Today at the dinner table, Brad and Calen had an arm wrestling contest to determine who would be allowed to drink out of the Gaston's Tavern stein. 

This is real life issues, people. 

Day 266: Back To Reality

I tried to get gas this morning and pay with my magicband. 

I kept expecting a sideshow to appear and start singing in the middle of the grocery store. 

I'm pissed off that there are no Christmas decorations or music playing anywhere. 

Let's face it, life is better at Disney World. 

Can I go back yet?

Day 265: Fly Away

Our days in the parks were over, but that doesn't mean we couldn't still have a little Disney fun before we caught our plane in the afternoon. 

After we packed up the room and checked out, we were still allowed access to the amenities, so we spent a few hours in the Finding Nemo pool before the bus came to pick us up to take us to the airport. 

It really was a vacation of a lifetime. The kids were old enough to be easy to manage, but young enough that it was still incredibly magical. We hope and pray to be able to finance a trip to go again in two years. 

Thanks for the memories, Disney. 

Day 264: Disney World Day 6

This day was our last day in the parks. And there's no other way to finish off Disney World than a full day in the BEST park, Magic Kingdom.

We did our favorite rides and took some pictures that I had put off for the majority of the trip, saw a few shows and just enjoyed the Disney-Christmas atmosphere.

One thing new that we did this time that we've never done before is the Sorcerers' of Magic Kingdom game, in which you collect Disney trading cards and use them as "spells" to defeat famous Disney foes that show up on magical mirrors throughout Magic Kingdom. It's a really neat idea and a fun adventure to do at the peak of the day when the lines start getting out of hand. 

We ended the night with a new Frozen show at the castle in which Elsa "freezes" the castle and lights it up with all the extra Christmas lights, and then watching the incredible Wishes fireworks show (that never fails to make me emotional). There's no greater way to go out of Disney than with the big fireworks show at the castle. 

After a long goodbye to the castle we exited Magic Kingdom for the last time, already dreaming of our next visit. 

Day 267: Edit All The Things

Today I did nothing but this:

Editing, editing, editing

I'm only about 80% done editing all the Disney photos, and I still haven't even purchased the photos from the Photopass yet. Yeehaw.

Day 263: Disney World Day 5

Now that we had a little breather, it was time to head back into the parks. This day we were opening Hollywood Studios, and ending the day in Magic Kingdom. 

Buzz and Woody do Hollywood Studios

We got up super early to catch the FIRST bus to Hollywood Studios (a solid hour before the park opened), to make sure to be first in line to sign up for the ultra-popular Star Wars Jedi Academy, where the kids get to train to be a Jedi and fight bad guys on stage. 

Luckily, we were one of the first to sign up and got both kids into the first Jedi Academy show of the day. The show is fantastic, they get to wear Jedi robes and use lightsabers and the Force to defeat none other than Darth Vader himself (Camden and the younger padawans fought the Seventh Sister, an empire evil from Star Wars Rebels). Then, the whole group had to fight off Kylo Ren using the force. The show is very well done and the kids get a medal to commemorate their participation. Camden is still talking about using the force to fight off Kylo Ren. 

After the Jedi Academy, we did the Star Wars section of Hollywood Studios: the Star Tours ride and meeting Chewbacca and Kylo Ren. Randomly some stormtroopers marched by and yelled at Camden for being a rebel spy (he had an R2D2 Mickey ears on). The boys also got to build their own lightsabers and their own mini-droids too. 

Then, we went over to the Toy Story area and went on Toy Story Mania (the best ride in Hollywood Studios) twice and met Woody and Buzz. Since the kids were dressed as Woody and Buzz respectively, the characters spent extra time with them. We even stumbled upon a green army man outside the character spot and got a picture with him too. 

That was about it for Hollywood Studios for us. Because they were filming the (stupid) Christmas special for ABC there that day, they had cancelled the new Star Wars parade and a few other things. So we said peace out and went back to Magic Kingdom for the rest of the day. We arrived there just in time for the new and super cool Festival of Fantasy parade, and then went on a few rides and enjoyed our favorite park to the fullest. 

Hook pointing right at Camden and then pointed to his hat later and waved his finger

Malificent's mechanical dragon with real fire!