Easter Weekend

So this past week was spring break and it was long. And by long I mean horrifically, hair-pulling long. It was unseasonably FREEZING ASS COLD, and rainy, and cold and rainy, and thus both kids were stuck inside all week left to do nothing but argue over absolutely everything. 

God how we ever survived a time before school is beyond me. 

However, our painfully long week ended with an actually quite lovely weekend. The weather turned, attitudes from certain small cretins got a lot better, and things just all around got great. 

Saturday Calen asked to go to the baseball field on base to practice. And let me tell you just how much my baseball loving self hates hearing that! So we gleefully spent an hour or so as a family playing ball. Even Cam has suddenly taken on an obsession of sorts of "base-a-ball". 

Towards the end Cam preferred to watch from the stands. With a batting helmet on. Because obviously.

In the afternoon we did confetti eggs. No, I did not make them. I spent four freaking dollars per carton of premade eggs at the grocery store. Because any cost is worth the sanity of not making those by hand. Immediately afterwards we decorated the eggs that we colored the day before. Camden took an egg (raw mind you) and attempted to crack it on his head but I stopped him in time, but now I wish I hadn't because it would have been just damn funny.

confetti eggs!

Ninja powered eggs

Sunday we went to Church like good people do. Although because we are who are, we decided it would be amusing to put superhero shirts underneath their fancy church clothes. Because why not? Because we can never do anything normal. 

Oh look at these nice clean cut Christian boys...

Yeah...nope.

The kids got small Easter baskets from us. Not the Easter bunny. Let's talk about this. I'm not against the Easter bunny or the like. Obviously because we do Santa Claus, the tooth fairy and the new creeper Elf on a Shelf. So our theory of "Easter is about Jesus and not some bunny" is flawed. But that aside, the Easter bunny is just flat out creepy. I mean kill you in your sleep kind of creepy. A jolly man on a Christmas cookie sugar high breaking in your house to leave presents just seems more acceptable than a seriously alarming genetically altered mutant rabbit pooping eggs full of jelly beans into baskets for kids. 

I mean look at this!

I don't know who this is. I googled "Easter bunny" and this was the first hit. Good heavens.

So we just don't do the Easter bunny. They just bother the shit out of me. 

Our good friends from out of town came to spend the afternoon with us and we decided that a superhero egg hunt on the beach was a brilliant idea. Because obviously. So that's what we did. A superhero egg hunt on the beach. 

And that was our weekend. Admist an incredibly stressful few weeks trying to coordinate this completely complicated move, it was nice to have a peaceful (albeit busy) weekend with the family.

And without Easter bunnies.  

Calen's 5th Birthday

You guys. My biggest baby boy is five. FIVE. That means it's not even acceptable to call him a preschooler anymore (though I guess since he's actually in preschool maybe it's okay for another couple months? Maybe?). Although I hate seeing my littles grow up, I can tell "five" is going to be a fun year. He's more interested in conversations, asks funny questions, tells even funnier stories and is so incredibly helpful. I guess I'll let him grow up a little. I guess.

His actual birthday was on Thursday so we did what we usually do on his birthday. We started the day with birthday pancakes (the only day a year where whipped cream, sprinkles and fire are allowed on the pancake. It's also the only day a year where Mommy singing before 8am is permitted):

Ready to blow out his candle!

 After school, we drove up to his restaurant of choice for an early dinner. He wanted "a 'rester-naut' that has food and a place to play", so we went to Chick Fil A, the closest restaurant with a play area. After some good play time, we continued the tradition of going to Toys R Us to let him pick out anything he wanted (limited 3 items per customer). He chose Hot Wheels tracks, a Hot Wheels cargo truck and some Star Wars podracers. 

Unlike other years where he grabs the first thing he can find and refuses to get any other item, he very meticulously walked through the store with his hands folded behind his back, going "hmmmm", putting things in the cart, then pulling them out and trading them for "better" items. It was very thoughtful and adorable.

Also Mommy and Daddy bought him a new bike because he looks like a clown on his current one, and a skateboard, because one ER visit this month hasn't been enough.

Today (Saturday) was his party. Surprise surprise he requested a Hot Wheels party and a #5 cars Cake. Luckily, Pinterest is amazing and some crazy person actually made a #5 cars cake and posted step by step directions so that I didn't have to figure it out all by myself. Also Walmart sells premade black fondant which meant I didn't have to do anything regarding fondant except pull it out of the box. Cheating is lovely.

Since I'm not in the least a fan of creating, setting up and coaching birthday party games, I decided not to this year. And Calen didn't ask. And since it was a hot wheels party, it was as simple as bringing out all his hot wheels tracks and putting them in various "stations" around the house, then putting a basket of cars out and letting the kids go at it. It seemed to be a big hit. 

Tracks EVERYWHERE

Party favors: Cups and a matchbox car. Done and done. Also, princess cups for the girls, because who wants yucky boys stuff anyways

And that was that. Friends, cars, pizza, cake, presents. A simple party that didn't leave for want. After the party, he built some new Lego sets, sat (literally) on ALL of his new cars so that Camden wouldn't touch them, and played his brand new Disney Infinity. 

And I'm still in denial that he's Five.

Happy birthday Calen.

Boogers.

The other day, I noticed something on the wall in the upstairs hallway. It was brownish and smeared like a finger dipped in paint. "is that blood?!" I asked myself, wondering who had killed what recently? And why was there evidence smeared on the wall? What is this, Murder, She Wrote?

Detective Brad said "I think I've seen this before, look in here..." and led me to Calen's room, and pointed to his bed. There, on the wall, above his headboard, was the most gruesome crime scene I had ever seen:

genocide

It was enough dried on booger smears to make my eyes twitch and dinner to start coming back up. I stared at Calen mouth agape.

Who smears boogers on the wall??
Why would you think smearing is even almost okay?
How long have those been there and I haven't even noticed??? Because that's seriously like a years worth of boogers on that wall. 

So we had an impromptu family meeting about boogers and if you have one, put it on a Kleenex, for the love of God, and put the Kleenex in the trash. Immediately. And those that smear boogers on the wall must live outside in the trees with orangutans. 

I'm not quite sure there is anything more disgusting on this planet than a human boy. 

The amazing thing is, I discussed this with my next door neighbor at the bus stop the next morning. She said her daughter did the same thing at the same age!! What is this phenomenon?! Where did it come from? And why? Whyyy.

So, if you have children from the ages of 4-5, check the walls around their bed. There may be boogers. Lots of them. In various shapes and colors. Take all necessary precautions.

This has been a Public Service Announcement.  

How to React to Life (When You're Five)

So I know it's been a long and I mean a LONG time since I last wrote, and I'd love to say something poetic like I have been tremendously busy climbing Mount Everest, or hunting jaguars, or homeschooling, but the truth is, the reason I haven't blogged in so long is because 1) I was on vacation in Washington, and then afterwards 2), we bought a dining set at Costco, which we can't put together yet because we haven't sold our old table, so it's been sitting in it's big ass boxes in the dining room. And thus blockading my laptop and I haven't bothered to climb over the boxes to access until now. 

What an adventurous life I live. 

First of all, big changes in our life. We received moving orders from the Coast Guard, and we will be relocating HERE:

So the initial reaction was "blegh". Southern California is not really my forte in terms of living full time. And it's a massive city, and still farther away from home than we wanted, and I hate palm trees. I mean I really HATE palm trees. I don't know why. They bother the shit out of me. Also, Brad is going back on a 378 foot cutter, which means back to the old 3 months home, 3 months deployed bullshit.

But then I got to thinking about one thing: 365 days of sunny, 70 degrees and a light breeze. Oh.Em.Gee. Which actually entails to 365 days of things to do OUTSIDE. And sooo many things to do. And also, taco trucks. So now I'm excited. 

Fine print: We do not have a move date yet, but assume June. We do not know where we are living yet either, but trying for Murphy Canyon Navy housing in Northeast San Diego. 

We waited until this past weekend to explain to Calen that we were moving. I was concerned that he would be upset about leaving the only house he really remembers. We planned out what we would say, bought books, mentally prepared etc. So we sat him down and explained to him that we are moving into a new house far away, and that a moving truck is going to come and take all our furniture and his toys etc and drive it to our new house, and he'll be able to play outside a lot and make new friends and and and. This is what my almost five year old got out of it:

 
Aaaand that was pretty much it. We played the "review" game with him to see if he actually "gets it" (ask him what exactly is going to happen? Where are we going? etc). And he gets it. "we're moving to a new house far away AND A MOVING TRUCK IS COMING." Whatever. At least there were no tears and he's so excited that that moving truck is coming. 

More serious discussions hit us three days later as the family lost Brad's grandpa on Sunday, the family patriarch. Since Brad is planning on flying back for the service, we were forced to explain to Calen what happened. He's never really dealt with a family death before. So we explained that great Papa got really old and really sick and died, and he went to Heaven to live with Jesus. We braced ourselves for impact, and again, his reaction:

 Life is so simple when you are five. 

We played the "review" game again. "Great papa got sick and died and went to Heaven with Jesus and Daddy is going to help Grammy and Papa be sad. So do you want to play the game now?"

Accurate.

Fine print. We are so very sad to say goodbye to Grandpa Hansen. We was a giant among men, and the world is a lesser place without him in it. That said, we are so relieved that he is at peace. Rest in peace Leonard Hansen. 3.10.14

 

 

When The Weather Outside is Frightful

Umm you guys, it's cold around here. Really, really cold. Like a keep-your-water-running-so-the-pipes-don't-freeze and don't bother to ever go outdoors ever type of cold. Not that I'm complaining (too much), I don't mind the cold...as long as it's still winter. But, we've officially hit that part of winter where we've been stuck inside for two months, and the kids (and us) are suffering from some serious cabin fever. 

There's still snow on the ground, but not enough to play in. And depending on the time of day, it's either a slushy pile of melted sno-cone, or a frozen solid cinder block. 

So inside we stay. And now that the coloring books are full, the movies have been watched 320 times each, and the puzzles have been redone so many times that they're officially boring, what to do?

Yesterday we had an indoor snow day. At Christmas Daddy got me a few cans of instant fake snow, because obviously. So I popped them open, added water to make the snow and dumped them into a couple of glass pie plates. Add some "guys" (Calen's Big Boot guys are always a hit with strange substances, for whatever reason), and it's an arctic expedition. With giant Yeti attack and everything. Cam didn't really get into it (after all, it wasn't enough to throw himself into) but Calen spent a good hour with it. 

After hours of snowshoeing, these brave adventurers have finally met their violent fate.

Today after dinner the boys and daddy did a little modular building. It's as simple as this: mini marshmallows, toothpicks. Smush them together. Build things. Done. The kids LOVED this. 

And also, tomorow's high is going to be 18. Better punch out a few more Pinterest ideas. 

 

Snow Day Volume 2

So we have survived another terrifying arctic New Jersey blizzard. And somehow, some way dug ourselves out of the entire two inches of snow on the ground.

They even closed school for it. I wonder how they would react if it snowed like, four feet? It would be a no-shit natural disaster around here. 

Snowmageddon 2014. Serious blizzard people.

So of course we pulled out all the snow gear and played outside. Unfortunately around here, snow comes with major wind. And with major wind comes with ridiculous wind-chill. Today it topped out at a whopping 17 degrees and a "feels like" temp of zero. So we only went out twice today, 45 minutes each.

The kids would have stayed out longer, but I was pretty convinced that their outer extremeties would have snapped off.

Photobombed by a couple of ridiculous dogs sprinting through the snow. Fur babies had fun today too

Snow friends!

Rosy red cheeks and ears!

We The People (In Shorthand)

First of all can I just gloat a little and say that my beloved football team is the NFC Champions as of last night and are going to the Superbowl? Can I get a SEA----HAWKS!?! Ahhh. Sweet, sweet victory never tasted so good. 

Look at that trophy! It's so puuuuurdy

Also the second super awesome news of the day is that Brad finally came home today after a week away! It clearly has been years since I have dealt with several-month-long deployments because I was stretched thin this week having the boys alone. And since the boys and I had to drive two hours to Philly early this morning to pick him up from the airport, we decided that a day trip into Old Town historic Philadelphia would be a good way to spend Martin Luther King Day.

We actually spent a historical holiday looking at history! Maybe the wrong history (the African American History Museum had a line about two blocks long), but American history nonetheless.

Also, consider yourself warned. I'm a bit of a history nut and am about to geek out on you just a little.

First off for as gross and dirty as the majority of what I've seen of Philadelphia is, the historical district is gorgeous. Seeing buildings literally as old and even older than our country was astonishing. I'm sure many have been restored, but regardless they stand tall and beautiful just as if they had been built ten years ago and not 200. 

Also, because we were touring with a four and two year old, we clearly were not insane enough to stand in any lines to stare at any Liberty Bells, or walk through every stuffing boring (for littles) museum, or walk miles in various directions to see everything, so we had to keep it to a short game plan. 

And so I give you, Philadelphia. Abridged version. 

We chose one grown up museum for the kids to suffer through experience right in the middle of the historical district. So we went to the National Constitution Center, a museum completely dedicated to everything involving the creation of the US Constitution (you know, "We the People...."). Actually the kids seemed to enjoy the museum, not that they understood a lick of it, but the little video screens everywhere of course caught their attention, and this touchpad questionnaire of whether you could vote or not in each respective era was a big hit with Calen (he thought it was a video game, and would randomly check yes or no to each question box, and then would get upset that he "lost" the game since the outcome always ended up being that he was "denied to vote" in that era. "This game is TOO HARD" he would say). 

Inside the museum

Calen signing the REAL Constitution. A real copy of it.

Also there was a big room with a ton of life sized bronze (or whatever) statues of the signers of the Constitution, which completely freaked Camden out for whatever reason (maybe they were staring at him strangely?) but Calen said they were made out of chocolate. Okay but don't lick them Calen. 

Calen and his "chocolate people". That's Ben Franklin next to him

After the museum, we walked across the Independence national park, past the Liberty Bell building (and it's ridiculous line) to Independence Hall, which we appreciated from the outside instead of standing in line to tour with the inside. 

History nerd fact: Independence Hall is where both the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence were created and adopted into law. 

History is a serious matter people.

Independence Hall

Ben Franklin's old hangout joint.

Ben's front door.

After wandering around the perimeter of Independence Hall for a while, we walked down towards Penn's Landing (where the founder of Pennsylvania first docked) and had a Philly Cheesesteak lunch at the supposedly famous "Campo's Deli"

Because no Philadelphia experience is complete without an authentic cheesesteak.

We figured the kids had enough boring grown up nerdness for the day, so we drove across town to the children's Please Touch Museum (sorry but the pervert in me makes the name of this place creeps me out a little.) so that the kids could just play and explore and have fun. 

Calen asked if he could live there. It's that cool. 

 

Pretend grocery store. This area as enormous. Also Calen only buys top shelf Pop Tarts.

 

Unexpected Milestones

I really should have posted this on Tuesday, but I have been busy the last two evenings. Busy watching Hoarders and browsing Pinterest.

What in the hell did housewives do in the evenings before DVRs and the Internet? Read? Sew? Real activities instead of virtual ones? Ridiculous. 

About a month ago, Calen had a teeth cleaning. His/my dentist informed me that he had a slightly very barely loose tooth. Like not loose enough that any normal human being could ever notice, but dental experts of the world probably could. I was alarmed at first because he's only 4.5, but the dentist said it's not unheard of. Also because he's very much a boy and with boys come many falls broken with their faces, sword fights with their brother that generally end in tears, etc, he probably was helping it along. 

Tuesday morning Calen is eating breakfast before school and announced through his Rice Krispies "Mom I have a loose tooth!". I'm sleepy and particularly not interested in his dramatics in the mornings so I gave him a look and go "no you don't!". But he argues "Yes, I DO!" and pops off his chair and runs to me to show me. I'm still skeptical but when he opens his mouth there it is, his bottom front tooth sitting there sideways in his mouth. I touched it and the darn thing was wiggling all over the place. Like, it was ready to go!

Ummmmm? He didn't have a loose tooth yesterday. Or if he did I didn't notice it when I brushed his teeth, nor did I notice him screwing with it. I went through yesterday and tried to figure out how it got so loose so suddenly. So I asked a lot of ridiculous questions.

"Did someone punch you in the face?"
"No."
"Did you run into something and hurt your mouth?"
"No Mom."
"Did....you bite into a cinder block?"
"Mom! No."

Well what the hell exactly? Other than maybe a tumble halfway down the stairs the night before, but it didn't seem like he landed on his face that time. Who even knows. But the dentist said before that at four years and ten months old he's not TOO early and his teeth and gums look healthy so (shrugs) oh well.  

Let's just say I was completely unprepared for this milestone. Like, completely. Usually you know what's coming next and can plan and prepare and expect it and what not. If he comes home with his first legitimate girlfriend tomorrow, I'm going to start drinking (heavily).

Because I have never been an official tooth-puller-outer before, I didn't really want to yank it out. But after showing my neighbor at the bus stop, she said that he'd probably swallow the darn thing at lunch at school. Poop. So we ran back inside. I grabbed a tissue and pulled it out. Let me tell you that pulling a tooth out is freaky and not in the least fun or pleasant sensation. But, Calen was a champ, not a single tear or even whining. It came out and his rinsed his mouth and then beamed from ear to ear with a new effing adorable toothless grin. 

Moments after we yanked that sucker out. No tears!

Then that evening we had to have a crash course in the tooth fairy and what she does. Since I was completely caught off guard that he was going to lose a tooth this early, I didn't have an adorable little tooth pouch or handmade pillow or any other ridiculous thing to put the darn thing in. Plus I was afraid he'd screw with it if I left it in the sandwich baggie and shoved it under his pillow. Then he'd lose it and months would go by and we'd be moving out and cleaning and going what in the hell is THAT on the floor under the bed?! Oh yeah, Calen's first tooth. Lovely.

SO, instead I had him put it at his place at the table and told him that the tooth fairy would come and "buy" his tooth and leave money. 

"A fairy? Like a Tinkerbell fairy?"
"Sure. Like Tinkerbell."
"With fairy dust?"
"...yeah."

Shit. Fairy dust. Which forced me to bang on my neighbor's door after bedtime to borrow her glitter. And then sprinkle it all over the dining room table which then got on my clothes and is now all over the couch. Freaking fairy dust. I also had to inquire on what the going rate is for teeth nowadays, since I just have zero experience in such things.

The glitter bitch tooth fairy left three dollars. Apparently first lost teeth are a more valuable commodity than the others. 

The going rate for first teeth. Also, thanks to my neighbor we borrowed a book on tooth fairies last minute. We were so unprepared.

So after school yesterday I took the boys to Walmart and let Calen spend his $3. He picked a toy airplane from the movie "Planes". Which of course then Cam had to have one too so I covered that one. 

Bought with his own tooth fairy money

Now Calen keeps saying "I have to lose more teeth so that I can get more money!" And I have to keep saying "Yeah but don't you dare start popping teeth out of your mouth!!" Because I can totally envision him throwing himself down the stairs a few times so that he could get more money for toy airplanes. 

  

Game Night and Game Night

Yesterday was obviously big time uber Seahawks Playoff Game Night. Which means that the world stops turning, the doors are locked, the phone is on silent, and no one best interrupt the most important thing that is happening for the week. 

Unfortunately it was also a rare sick day for Calen, who had been up a good part of the night before with the barfs, and thus was an over-tired blob of sickness all the following day. So he went to bed super early while Cam held down the fort as the little big 12th Man in the house. And can we say that he's really good at being a cute 12th Man. 

I also would like to toot my own horn at my delicious game day dinner of homemade honey barbecue drumsticks, hot drumsticks (made with Franks hot sauce) and cornbread. 

And P.S. we won. Because we always win. And are moving on to the NFC Championships. Mmmmm. Victory.

Today Brad flew out of town for a week and Calen really took him leaving hard. So, I spent some extra time with activities with the kids this afternoon. We colored and did a big floor puzzle, and then this evening we had yet another game night, of the Milton Bradley variety. A little Toy Story Yahtzee Jr. and some Chutes and Ladders to finish out the day. 

Also, certain family members like to whine that I'm not in enough pictures. I'm not sure what they want, bathroom selfies of me doing duck faces or what. So now they (and you) will be forced to see pictures of ME all week. You're welcome.

Ashley in Spaaaaaaace

 

The Truth About Legos (and Also, It's Cold)..

....is that we buy them more for us than for the kids. 

Well that's not completely true. My kids love Legos pretty much more than anything else in the house (other than Matchbox cars). But they're also at the age where they're happy whatever set they get, which gives mom and dad total and complete power over what sets we want to play with them. 

And what, pray tell, is cooler than Coast Guard Legos? Other than maybe Star Wars Legos. But let's face it, it's cooler at this point to get Legos about daddy's work. And daddy's not a jedi (don't tell him). 

Lego CRABS. Oh.My.Awesome.

 Also this week we had a re-donculous cold snap. I mean, -17 degrees wind chill type of cold snap. So we spent about 3 days where we could not leave the house at all. Once the Legos and the new toys and the movie marathons got old, I had to get creative. 

I have a ton of bottles of paints that have to be used up before this summer in case we end up moving with the military. So, I squeezed a bunch into some gallon Ziplock bags, pulled the neighbor's picnic table inside, and taped it to the table so the kids could paint with their fingers (without getting messy!). 

This really didn't hold their attention at all. Until they took their Star Wars guys and had them stomp on the paint (the green was grass and the red was lava and they died if they touched the lava). They also kept getting distracted at the icicles stuck to the table, and kept breaking them off and investigating them. 

I would consider this a failed Pinterest idea but it did keep them busy for almost an hour. 

Jedi fighting in lava. Oh, the violent life of boys.

Digging for icicles. Ridiculous cold snap.