Bathroom Explosions and Fashion Police

So Calen likes playing with water. And now that he has a newfound freedom of being able to leave his bedroom at night in order to use the potty, he uses it as an excuse to go sneak into the bathroom, close the door and play with the sink. 

Last night, we heard him tooling around upstairs so Brad went to investigate. He found Calen at the top of the stairs, with new pajama pants on, new pajama shirt in his hand and his soaking wet old pajama top still tangled up in his arms (clearly he was stuck). He asked Brad for help to put his new jammie top on. Brad checked his old jammie pants, and they were dry. 

Apparently he HAD to match and he was willing to get caught with playing in the sink and get in trouble in order to have a matching pair of pajamas. 

Kid has priorites.

This morning I woke up to the bathroom once again in a disaster. The sink was running and one of Calen's bathtub cups was overflowing. His brother's toothbrush (not his toothbrush, his brother's) had a bunch of adult toothpaste squirted all over it.  

The scene of the crime. Note the toothpaste on his BROTHER's toothbrush.

Usually, Calen squirts a bunch of kids toothpaste all over HIS toothbrush and sucks it off. After going through an entire tube of toothpaste in one week, we now hide the kid's toothpaste above the cabinet. Apparently Calen was willing to taste the grownup toothpaste (but not on his OWN toothbrush) but abandoned it after finding it "spicy". 

Disaster.

The bath toys were scattered all over the bathroom like a bomb had gone off. Actually I'm pretty sure a bomb did go off. And when I asked Calen what happened in the bathroom, he explained it as accurately and detailed as possible.


"That toothpaste YUCKY." 


That's all that matters, after all. 

 

 

222 Candles

So yesterday was the Coast Guard's birthday (which makes me wonder, who  do I say "Happy Birthday' to? Which I need to figure out soon, because I'm sure in the coming years one of the boys is going to ask me this impossible question and I want to wow them by actually having an answer in my back pocket) and today was the big birthday picnic at the base. 

Coastie brats ready for the picnic

In the four years of us being stationed in Seattle, they never had a picnic or any kind of to-do really (except for a couple really pathetic attempts at a Christmas party). One good thing about living on a humongous base like Cape May, they do events right.

Daddy throwing Calen down the water tunnel thing

It was five thousand degrees today so we didn't long at the picnic, especially since the closest tree (and therefore shade) was probably half a mile away. But we did make sure to score a big free picnic lunch and hit some little carnival rides. Calen and his new neighbor friends hit up the bounce house, the large water slide and some strange random water tunnel thing before we were all too hot and crabby (especially the short curly haired member of our group) so we snagged a quick Sno-cone and headed home.

Sno-cone break. Don't mind Calen's bruised lip from a face plant yesterday. I swear I don't beat my kids.

Once we got home we set up our own Coast Guard Day in our front yard. We blew up the big water slide again and also had the pool and the sprinkler set up, while the boys and the neighbor girls spent three additional hours in the hot sun. (we spent three additional hours in the coolish shade). Overall we were outside for almost six hours in 90 degree weather. The good news is, our front yard will not have to be watered for the next 17 years. The bad news is that the yard is now National Swampland. Cam was so tired he didn't even eat dinner. That kid not eating is like a dog hating water. Oh wait...my dogs DO hate water. Hmmm. Bad example.

Standing in a bucket, in the pool, pouring a bucket of water on his head. Who needs the picnic? We make our own fun.

 

Meat Department Invasion

I heard a rumor from the meat manager at our local grocery store that Friday morning is when they do uber markdowns on their meat. And hey if I can get ground beef for 80 cents a pound or whatever then super I'll get up early and get to the grocery store first thing.

The manager told me to get there "early." So, when the kids started stirring at 7:15am (which to me is O'Terrible Thirty), I threw them into clothes, put dry cereal in some cups and tossed the kids into the car. We got to the grocery store by 7:45am. I consider that "early." 

I was pretty impressed by myself. 

We get into the store and go directly to the meat section.

The shelves were completely wiped out. At 7:45am.

Apparently early to me and early to the manager are two different things. She came out from the back and recognized me, as I'm standing there with my arms out and my mouth agape dumbfounded that the shelves were already empty. What the hell happened? Did an F5 tornado blast through and suck up all the sale meat into the sky? Do people around here camp out in tents outside of Acme waiting for it to open so that they can save $2 on meat? 


The manager obviously saw my confusion and said


"I told you, you gotta get here EARLY. 6am rolls around and this store is swarming with OLD people just waiting for me to mark down the meat."


.....I got ousted by a bunch of senior citizens?!

F$!&#!!

Some things aren't worth getting up at 5am for. Like sale meat. If those old crazies want to get up and storm a grocery store, then by God they deserve the prize. I am not that ambitious. 

(Maybe I would be if I didn't have to wake up my sleeping monsters children in order to do so)

Well since we were already up, dressed and in public that early in the morning, I did some basic grocery shopping and then ran two doors down to the Dollar store to get some kid's toothpaste since I keep catching certain 3 year olds in the upstairs bathroom in the middle of the night "brushing his teeth" (which is actually just him squeezing 400 pounds of bubblegum toothpaste on his brush so he can suck on it. At least his teeth are really, really clean. 

Skater Boys.

Once we got home and had a more traditional sit-down breakfast, it was still only like 9am. So we walked to the new base skate park and let Calen try out his brand new scooter (in the morning, before all the teenagers are awake and fill up the park). Even though it was early morning, I swear that skate park is a freaking heat sink because we only lasted half an hour before being ready to spontaneously combust. 

Fun at the skate park with Calen's new 3 wheel scooter

After that, lunch and naps. All before 11:30am.

I should become a morning person! Look how much shit I get one! 

...How about we don't and say we did?

Neighbor buddy Kyle getting serious air on the big water slide

This afternoon it was still super hot so Brad set up this super awesome big inflatable water slide that our neighbors gave us. And we invited said neighbors and our new neighbors and had our own little impromptu block party. 

Did I mention how fun summers are here?

Even Cam had fun in the pool today. And he doesn't like water.

 

 

Pool Party

We spent like, six hours in the pool today. Actually, Calen spent six hours in the pool, I spent six hours sitting by the pool shooting the sh** with a couple girlfriends while our kids swam. 

If I had an eighth of the energy those kids have, I could accomplish my entire week's worth of housework in like, fifteen minutes. 

This was a much needed freeze pop break. There are three babies not pictured. One (mine) was strolling down the sidewalk because he thinks its funny when I chase him (it's not), one was chilling in the baby pool nearby (because he was way too cool to hang out in the deep pool), and one was being a diva and sitting on her mom's lap to avoid her bare feet from touching the grass (no joke). 

AND, shame on my camera lens for fogging up for this picture. Stupid humidity. 

Foggy lens fail. The big kids taking a break

 

The Potato Colony

It rained today. 

Ummmm W.T.F. New Jersey? It's rained for like, three days in a row now which is definitely some sort of world record. Are you having an identity crisis? Do you think you're like, Seattle or something? Seriously, take some Prozac and get on with your regularly scheduled summer. 

The problem with rain (even the warm rain here) is that it keeps the kids indoors. Indoor kids after three days = bored kids which = cranky, troublemaking kids. 

First we did our usual rainy day activity of leaping off the couch into a pile of blankets. After that while Cam was sleeping Calen and I played Potato Heads. (He has this massive Potato Head full of several potatoes and a million parts, makes for lots of fun). 

Making potato people

We each made two Potato People to create a little family. I personally loved Calen's little cat potato with cat feet and angry eyes and teeth. Which is pretty much exactly how to depict a cat via potato head. I laughed. 

Our creations. My two on the left and Calen's on the right. I personally love his ball of cat anger.

I made one girl Potato with a blonde wig and glasses, and then remarked to Calen that it kind of looked like Auntie Kristi. You know, as much as a potato could look like someone. To which then he announced "WHERE is Hunckle TODD?!" So he made a "Hunkle Todd" Potato all by himself. And then we made a Bugaboo (their dog) Potato. The resemblance is uncanny. Hey Kristi and Todd - you might have a new career opportunity as Potato Head models. You're welcome. 

The impromptu Israel family. I made Kristi and Bug, Calen made uncle Todd

To finish off the day Calen and I went to the base pool for some mandatory tiring out fun swimming. And towards the end of swimming he was just floating there in the water barely moving eyes drooping. So I think we made a successful day out yet another rainy day. 

  

Dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde...without the Jekyl

Today was one of those days. 

I'm pretty sure that aliens snuck into Camden's room one night and inserted some sort of Dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde type implant into his ear. Because for the past two days, Cam will be perfectly happy and smiley one minute, then suddenly, in an instant with no warning, he turns into a snarling, drooling, yelling roaring hairy beast. It's alarming enough that even Calen gives him the shifty eyes. 

Today the Dr Jekyl half must have gone on vacation to the Bahamas, because there was no break, no character change, nothing. Just 12 straight hours of snarling drooling Caminator monster hell. Did someone stick a thumb-tack into his butt cheek or something to piss him off?

Since it was the longest day in the history of ever with the kids I hired Netflix to babysit my kids today while I hid in the kitchen and pretended that I was somewhere tropical without my children. 

I had a mere 4928 tomatoes in my fridge from our garden, so I made some pasta sauce. I found a recipe on Pinterest and tweaked it a little bit in order to use what was already in my fridge. Here's what I put in the slow cooker:

13 tomatoes
1 small squash (don't ask me what kind of squash. I don't know my squashes. It was small and bumpy and kind of looked like a penis. (HEY, it's descriptive, right?))
1 yellow onion
1 green bell pepper
Some random amount of celery salt

Pre-slow cooking and blending

Then I put it on low for 3 hours. Then I blended it... in a blender. Insta-sauce. Just add seasoning and meat (and tomato paste to thicken it up if you freeze it for a while before serving). Voila. Also wins extreme organic medals or trophies or something.

Finis! Homemade pasta sauce

One saving grace we had was a Box of Awesome arrive at our door yesterday from my inlaws - chalked full of goodies for the kids: gummy bears, lollipops, pretzel letters (and a mojito mix for mommy!). And the best part (other than the mojito mix) was two boxes of themed "create a scene" style foam bath toys. Get them wet and stick them to the side of the tub to make fun little scenes and events. One was a construction zone (obviously a big hit with Calen) and the other was a jungle scene. They were super adorable and a lifesaver this evening while trying to keep the kids awake until bedtime without killing each other (or mommy's head exploding).

Bathtime awesomeness

Actually, only Calen took a bath today. Camden went to bed at 6pm. Mommy's sanity expiration date had come and gone and it was time for him to go to bed, whether he was ready or not.

Don't Ask Questions...

Just let it happen.

(apparently, they were having a business meeting)

 

Cornhole and the Half-Time Show

So we had a neighborhood block party/barbecue/get together/whatever today including a raging cornhole competition. You know, cornhole. Throw the beanbags on the board and into the hole. Get your mind out of the gutter.

CORNHOLE. Look at the perfect form and technique. Trinidads vs Swanns

Unfortunately before the actual competition got underway a sudden outrageous torrential hurricane decided to crash our party. And like the babies we are, we ran for our lives and took cover in the hosts' house for 20 minutes while the storm passed through. 

Stupid weather ruining everything.

Calen and I had our own half-time show though. He loves rain (he was, after all, born in Seattle) and especially Cape May's torrential rain on hot summer days. So I let him run outside in the middle of the monsoon and dance in the puddles that were forming within seconds due to the heavy rain. He had fun, I snapped pictures. 

Dancing in the rain

 Once the storm passed and the sun came out again the tournament was underway. Naturally Brad and I had never played before and everyone else were like, cornhole Olympians. We were knocked out first round into the losers bracket. Boo. 

But it's not if you win or lose, it's having fun playing the game right? RIGHT? 

Tell that to my two screaming children who apparently melted down because Mommy and Daddy suck at cornhole. Actually, I'm not sure why they both had side-by-side nuclear meltdowns. But that's a pretty good reason.  

Two Foot Tall Tony Hawk

So the base decided it was a good idea to build a concrete skate park for the neighborhood Coast Guard brats kids. The grand opening was supposed to be last week but was rescheduled to today due to rain. Because around here, rain actually causes delays. People see clouds and a few drops and lose their brains and run indoors as fast as possible! Wussies. 


 Maybe it's because the rain here usually comes with a side of severe lightning. Yeah okay, delays might be warranted in that case.

Obviously my kids are too small to really make any use of a skate park. However, the opening ceremony (if you will) promised free lunch, music and a raffle drawing for several skateboards. And Calen likes basically any extreme sport (especially dirt bikes and skateboards) so he'd get a kick out of watching the big kids ride their skateboards. And it's like, three blocks away. Why wouldn't we show up? At least we get free lunch. 


Camden decided to sleep in until 10 freaking 45am so he was basically still eating breakfast when Calen and I left for the park, so he and Daddy stayed home. I forced convinced him to ride his bike there since now he's almost a pro at it. Man, he's really figuring this out. He only needs help here and there to start back up again if he rolls to a stop. And to keep him focused on where he's going, because often he'll fixate on a firetruck driving by (for example) and ride into a ditch/mailbox/little brother/insert inanimate object here. But otherwise, he motors along great (well, great for only really learning how to ride a few days ago). 

It was only 88 degrees today but I'm pretty sure the USCG secretly buried thousands of little space heaters under the skate park to deter tourists from letting their brats kids ride on it because it was HOT and we were all suffering. The Captain did this long-winded Hooray for Skate Parks And Especially Myself speech and then the Chaplain blessed it ("Please God protect every kid's brain from splattering all over the half pipe...."....okay maybe he didn't say THAT) and cutting of the ribbon, etc etc. They had really bad hot dogs incinerated by the Auxiliarists and lots of free drinks and coupons and all that stuff. 

Watching all the skaters at the new park

One of the local skate and surf shops had a bunch of skateboards that kids (or adults) could try out for free. So I hooked Calen up with a helmet and a little rubber skateboard (one that had softer wheels and rubber gribs for his feet). He was immensely wobbly and nervous, but he.loved.it. He loved it so much he didn't want to stop. He asked to go on the half-pipe and one of the ramps and I was like "ummm NO. Not until you are at LEAST 25 and have your own insurance. And even then." Oh, my little two foot tall Tony Hawk.

Thank you Dana for taking this awesome pic of my future Tony Hawk!

He loved it so much that when everyone was called off the park to the event tent where the skate shops were giving out their raffle prizes, he threw a once in a lifetime kicking, screaming, wailing fit. You know one of those everyone else is quiet and staring at YOUR tantrum throwing monster kind of fits. Maybe it was the heat. Or the bad hot dog. Or an alien implant. Whatever it was, worst.tantrum.ever. Apparently he really likes skateboarding. Then I tried to give the skateboard back to the skate shop. You know, because we were only borrowing it. Try explaining that to a hysterical preschooler. Yeah, no. So I let him sit on it until the end of the raffle.

As everyone crowded around the event tent, Calen sits staring longingly at the skate park

AND, Calen won a raffle prize!! His VERY OWN skateboard! An adult size, but who cares? It's HIS! His VERY own! I thought "Victory! Now I can return the borrowed skateboard easy peasy." So I told Calen now that he had his very own skateboard he had to give back the rubber one. 

Except, his new skateboard didn't have wheels. You know, how some don't come with wheels and you have to buy the bearings and the wheels and whatever and install them. Big deal. But Calen didn't get it. This was a huge deal. What the hell good is a skateboard that doesn't have wheels? He wanted to give the skate shop his new skateboard and keep the one with wheels. In theory, I don't blame him. He doesn't understand. So I did what any loving parent does once you realize there is no possibility of getting through to them:


I pried the borrowed skateboard and helmet out of his fingers and lunged them at the event table and whisked Calen away before he could snatch it back. More screaming, tears, wailing, feet stomping. And then we left IMMEDIATELY. 

In actual theory, even if that skateboard came with wheels it would STILL be too big for him to actually use. Plans of buying him a little skateboard for Christmas is in the works. 

"Mommy, this skateboard BROKEN. Wheres the WHEELS?" Poor kid

 

 

 

Happiness Is...

...new books from the library (bonus points for riding bikes there and back)

Of the two of them, this one is my bookworm