Just Let It Happen.

My poor kids. 

The past two days I've been a blob on the couch, letting the kids watch tv all day while I sleep responsibly supervise them from my pile of blankets, pillows and tall, frothy mugs of lemon Airborne. 

Seriously, is there any disease within a 200 mile radius that doesn't infect my house? I'm going to start pulling a Michael Jackson move and force my kids to wear medical masks in public. 


I basically let the kids run wild. You want to pull all the diapers out from under the tv and throw them all over the house? Great. Grind a bowl full of Ritz crackers into the carpet and let the 13 month old lick it up? Whatever. I don't care. I wanted to burn the carpet anyways. Pull down the toy kitchen on top of yourself?


Jesus, did that just happen? What is going on around here? Maybe I should pay more attention.

Disclaimer: I was paying attention. Cam pulled himself up on it and the damn thing just flipped over on top of him. He wasn't hurt (except his pride). Apparently that wretched p.o.s. needs to stay up in Calen's room. That's what I get for trying to be all nice and bringing toys downstairs. 

The house was going to hell in a handbasket. And I didn't move an inch (except I did reluctantly go save Camden when the kitchen fell on him). Kids were yelling at each other and not sharing toys and throwing toys and I'm all "nooo boys...stop it" half asleep in between violent bouts of blowing my nose. 

Unless you boys are bleeding or unconscious (or trapped under a kitchen), I'm not moving from this couch.


Then Camden crawled into the dog kennel and was playing in there. What do I care. Catch fleas or rabies or whatever. But then Calen apparently had kennel envy and shoved himself in there too. So there are two kids crammed in a plastic dog kennel and two dogs sitting in the living room staring at their kennel like "ummm, wtf?" 

MY how the tables have turned. 

Refugees.

Calen closed the door to it and Cam was pretty upset. My first instinct was to lock it and like, go shopping or something. Hey, they're contained and safe, right? But then I'm like "Some asshole is going to call CPS on me" so I let them out. 


Another brilliant idea ruined by social services. Damn them. 

Disclaimer: No I wouldn't really leave my kids in a dog kennel (as tempting as that would be). I just drop them off at the vacant habitats at the zoo and pick them up at the end of the day. 

 

Wordless Wednesday Photo Challenges

It's my turn to catch the sickies. After all, we work so hard to teach the boys how to share, and they've showed me (over and over) how good they are at sharing by giving me pretty much every cold they catch. 

Airborne and movie marathons for us today.

Here's another photo challenge I entered. The theme is "outside". Once again Camden's cheesy grin (this time on the swings at the zoo) gives me a good entry. What do you think?

Camden (13 months) on the swings at Cape May County Zoo

Summer Lovin'

Okay so it's not really summer yet. But usually once Memorial Day weekend is over I consider it "summer". And it was like 85 degrees today and that just doesn't really say "spring" to me. 
 
I was kidnapped today by my good friend to go to our local burrito surf shop. (how's that for a combination). Basically, it's a hole in the wall with maybe five(?) tables, surf boards all over the walls and ceiling, beachy bongo music playing and maybe six things on the menu. But they're all delicious oversized (overpriced) burritos. 

You can't go wrong with southwest/islander style burritos.
I had a BLT style burrito. Bacon, lettuce, homemade salsa, beans, sour cream, corn, and curry sauce. Weighing in at like 15 pounds. How can you go wrong.

We had planned on going to the beach afterwards. But the boys are still really sick. Cam slept 16 hours last night, woke up at 10am but was still in desperate need of a nap at noon (and he slept 2.5 hours after that!!). So we decided to just play in my front yard with the pool and the slip n slide. 

Those kids played for FOUR hours outside in the hot sun. Whenever they'd start to get bored, I'd squirt more dish soap in the pool to make bubbles. Or squirt it on the slip n slide to make them REALLY go fast. 

Even Cam played in the pool today

I also find it amazing how something as simple as juice boxes can make little kids so happy. I bring out a cooler filled with Hugs and Capri Suns (aka - sugar water in fun containers/pouches with bright colors) and the kids' eyes light up like I'm Santa Claus with a giant Hefty bag of new toys over my shoulder. They never get special treats like that, so they drink them so fast I'm not sure they can even taste them. 


"Can I have another?"


Sure, what do I care. It's summer. Drink the whole cooler. 

Friends and popsicles.

Once they went home and we all went inside it was dinner time. 

And you know what the best part about a humongous holiday barbecue is?

All the leftovers you get to eat the day after.

Dinner is ready and I didn't even have to cook! Burgers, hot dogs, potato salad, chips and rice and enough of it to feed 85 people all on the top rack of my refrigerator.

Hmmm, do I have a hamburger, or a hot dog for dinner? Hey, how about BOTH. Let's indulge. 

DINNER.

Memorial Day BBQ Extravaganza

I have three favorite holidays. 

Christmas (given), 4th of July, and Memorial Day. 

Memorial Day is kind of a silly holiday to get over excited over, but I love it. The "memorial" part of Memorial Day I find incredibly powerful and touching. Though I'm probably only part of maybe 1% of the population that actually takes a part out of my three day weekend to consider all of the veterans that never made it home. 


But why would I love a holiday about death? I don't. I like it for other reasons. I like celebrating patriotism. It's fun, it's colorful, it usually involves barbecue and fireworks. And the food and decor options are endless. What better way to celebrate America than outdoor barbecues, swimming pools and hot sun?

ultimate memorial day bbq (Calen edition). Hot dogs, potato salad and watermelon.

We had a huge barbecue potluck extravaganza in the big backyard of our house today. Hours and hours of kids running in 184 different directions up and down the yard, climbing all over the playground and drowning themselves in the plastic swimming pool. Our poor neighbors probably assumed that a wild pack of howling baboons were stampeding through the area. 


Yes, baboons stampede. Don't ask questions.

Wild baboons

Thanks to Pinterest I had tons and tons of ideas for patriotic themed twists to standard barbecue fare. I used a cookie cutter to make the watermelon pieces star shaped. I put condiments for the burgers in a neat baseball condiment holder that I got at the big yard sale on Saturday (hey, baseball IS America. If you say football, you can go stick your head in my toilet). I also made red white and blue fruit parfaits (layers of blueberries, then whip cream, then strawberries, more whip cream, then raspberries and blueberries on top).  Then I thew them in red and blue bins with star shaped blue and red ice cubes.

Why did it never occur to me until now that I could use food coloring in ice cubes? Tasteless and fun! Brilliant!

Red, white and blue fruit parfaits chilled with colored star ice cubes

Unfortunately my poor kids are still sick and weren't very energetic. Camden actually fared better than Calen today, who at 5:45pm came to me and asked to put pajamas on him so he could go to bed. (and he did). But while they were awake, they had lots of fun. (and so did we). 


And then this enormous brontosaurus great dane (oh and her owner) showed up and stole the show. The kids thought Amador was the coolest creature they had ever seen in their life. They were pretty much right. 

Camden standing next to Amador. LOOK at the difference!!

 

Soap and Spit

Little boys are so predictable. 

After all, have you EVER met a little boy that didn't think that spitting was funny? It's just like farting noises. Or poop. Or anything involving butts or bodily noises.

Wait, let me backtrack.

The boys are still sick. Horrible, coughing, never-ending snot sick. Which also equates to them being crabby, tired and impossible to please. So we stayed indoors and let them veg and watch tv all day. 

Until about 2:30 rolled around at I see that it is a stunning 82 degrees with a lovely cool ocean breeze. Sorry, but "inside" on a day like today is illegal in this household. So I forced Calen to go outside and play, which he wasn't very interested in. Until I bribed him. 

"Calen, want to have bubbles in your swimming pool?"

"YEAH OKAY!!" and suddenly he's across the room pounding on the back door. 

A winner is me. 

pool + soap + hose = outside fun

So we put some dish soap in the pool and created a bubble pool. Calen liked washing his cars and giving all of his toys a "bath." And the important part? It kept him outside. 

One of Calen's favorite pastimes when involving the garden hose is drinking out of it. (hey, who doesn't?). He was drinking out of it today, business as usual, but then he suddenly decided to spit it out across the deck.

Spitting. And laughing.

Not just spitting, but spewing as far as he could, while making "raspberry" noises as loud as he possibly could.

And then laughing so hard that he couldn't breathe. 

Rinse, repeat. Over and over. And laughing each time. 

See what I mean? Little boys are SO predictable. 

....spitting is SO funny

 

  

Rates Negotiable

You know you've had a good day when you have a sunburn. 

Not just a sunburn, a full blown flame kissed charbroiled sunburn. 

MAN that's going to hurt tomorrow.

The base housing-wide yard sale was today. And we had a lot of shit to sell. And you know what's more fun than selling at a yard sale? Selling with friends at the yard sale. We (three families) spent 10 hours today outside on my front lawn in gorgeous 80 degree weather, bartering off our shit valuable items and chatting the day away while the kids ran wild. 

A sunburn, playdate, money in the pocket and emptying out half our shed? Sounds like a great way to spend a Saturday.

3 for 1 special. A lot of people got a good laugh at my sign today.

 

Beach Days and Bar Nights

I like the days where you have nothing planned, not sure what the hell you're going to do all day. You start to relax and enjoy the idea of hanging out at hoe and not doing anything. Hey, what the hell, the kids are sick, let them watch tv all day. A lazy day sounds freaking fantastic.

Then suddenly you get a text from a friend a block away. "Beach this afternoon?"

Shit yes! The beach is exactly what I wanted to do today. Let's get our swim suits on, grab some towels, find the buckets and shovels, pile into the car and go! We'll be ready in ten minutes!

Actually that's not true. The boys were sleeping (even Calen) so we had to wait for them to wake up. Oh well.

Funny how your priorities change as soon as a friend says "beach.today.now"

beautiful day at the beach

 
So the kids got up and we went to the beach. The water was actually a pleasant place to be today, it's finally getting far enough into spring that it's not a Polar Bear Plunge every visit. Calen however forgot how much he likes the ocean. He was pretty nervous about it today and even told me that the "water is scary". But after lots of coaxing I think we started to chip off his anxiety.

miles of beach and ocean to play with and these four all cram into one hole.

Meanwhile Camden kept crawling towards the ocean trying to reach it, then when a big wave would come through him (not so big that it went over him, just up to maybe his wrists and ankles) he would scream and sob and sob. But then the wave would go away, and he's chase after it.

Poor little bipolar baby. 

chasing waves

 Since my lazy day was already shot (in a positive way), the boys and I went out to dinner with our next door neighbors and our friends that I went to the beach with today (and one other family of friends). We went up to the Harborview, a little family-friendly bar/pub like place for enlisted folk on base. Back in 'the day' (last year), the bar was run by this badass bar goddess (Chickie), who got you your drinks quick and usually yelled at the folks in the back if your food wasn't coming out fast enough.

Chickie isn't here anymore.

We were the ONLY people in the bar tonight. So what, eight adults and nine kids (that were eating). So a small handful. But I've been in their on a Friday night before when it's PACKED. There were two cooks and one bartender. Everything went to hell in a handbasket within four seconds. 

FIRST of all, even though I was sitting at the bar with my neighbors while we were waiting for everyone else to show up, the bartender (If I didn't know better I'd swear he was like 15) didn't even look at me and I actually had to say "EXCUSE ME" to get his attention to buy a beer. Later on, we all ordered. Simple things (it's a bar). Burgers. Hot Dogs. Grilled Cheese. Curly Fries. Very very simple things. The kids played in the game room and we waited. And waited. And waited. 

And freaking waited. 

Forty-Five minutes later I finally received my bacon cheeseburger. And I was one of the first people to get my food. The poor kids were losing their minds waiting for their food. Once everyone actually got their food (I think the last person got theirs around an hour and 15 minutes after they ordered), Calen came oozing over asking for his cheeseburger. 

He hadn't gotten his food yet!

I stormed over to the bar where the bartender kid was twiddling his thumbs and asked him just where the hell my kid's food was. Instead of apologizing, he just disappeared into the back without a word. Maybe FIFTEEN minutes later he finally showed up with Calen's burger (by now it was 7:15 and we were ready to leave). The bartender told me that he didn't hear me order the kid's meal. That's funny, because he gave me a kid's cup full of Sprite like I ordered. 

You most certainly are NOT Chickie.

Really though it was a fun night. Especially making fun of the lackluster staff in front of them and letting our kids run wild through the bar. We all filled out complaint cards and then my neighbor emailed the big boss of the club and told him to check the complaint box. Someone came and grabbed the box before we left. 

I wish I was a fly on the wall when they get their asses fed to them. 

The kids got to stay up until 8pm, and then we came home and literally crashed and burned into bed. They had a much busier day than we though. I really do love spontaneous days like this.    

The Monkey Room

I mentioned like a thousand years ago that I was working on a monkey themed room for Camden. Since he has definitely been switched in the hospital with a baby orangutan. I expected the project to take me maybe three days. Paint the walls, paint a few trees, add some monkey wall appliques. How hard can it be right? Right?


Three effing weeks later, wielding only one paintbrush, two paint rollers and one roll of painters tape, (oh and some paint I guess. And monkey stickers. And a brown Sharpee). I have finally vanquished The Monkey Room.

It is not, by any stretch of the imagination, professional. I only did one layer of paint (and you can tell), but I did that because a) I don't give a crap and didn't want to put that much work into it, b) I ran out of paint and after jumping through circus hoops to get new paint, I didn't want to run out again and c) I just don't care. 

Cam's Monkey room

The trees look like some type of dilapidated exotic retarded trees. The painters tape didn't work very well on the ceiling because our ceilings are not level (well done military housing) so I painted the ceiling half the time. I dripped lots of paint all over the cheap industrial carpet, but guess what? I don't care. They can yell at me two years from now when I move. And like I said the other day, I'm no Martha Stewart.

Closeup of tree (and King Oogabooga)

I also learned that Sharpees hate paint. I attempted to stencil the outlines of the trees, grass etc to give it a little more definition. I bought a brand new brown Sharpee, but after only outlining one tree it was already drying up. (yes, the paint was dry). Paint it stupid. But I managed to struggle it through and get the whole room outlined. 

Cam's monkey room

All in all, the finished project looks pretty great (in an amateur brain damaged sort of way). The shelving is full of Cam's collection of stuffed monkeys (and other jungle creatures). There's also a hammock hanging "in" one of the other trees with Cam's big monkey King Oogabooga (as I call him -- hey, it makes the boys laugh when I say it) and his jungle subjects Frog and Snake. Each wall is covered with monkeys swinging from trees and vines. It's lots of fun and Cam loves it (and I'm pretty satisfied with it too) and Calen calls it "so beautiful". 

Cam's monkey room (and the monkey playing)

Cam's monkey room

Wordless Wednesday (with words)

Camden has discovered cars. He was obsessed with these today. 

Officially following big brother's footsteps

Why I'm Not Martha Stewart

I had saved this one Pinterest art project for a rainy day since according to this gal (who I assume is Martha Stewart) it was quick, easy, and fairly clean and a good one when you're stuck in the house. 

Martha Stewart (or whoever this chick was) lies. 

The idea for it is simple. Combine flour, baking powder, salt and water to make a batter. Add food coloring, pour it into little baggies, cut the tips off (like frosting tubes), and squirt it all over paper. Then once you're finished painting, throw it in the microwave for 40 seconds and it turns into a puffy hard masterpiece. Or so they say. Here's what I've learned about this little project.

painting. Look at all my kid's freaking bug bites!! (this was post smock-explosion)

#1. It is not quick. Actually, making the paint substance was pretty quick. And actually, so was the project itself. But the cleanup of the kitchen, the project area and the kid was far more time consuming than I anticipated.

#2. It's NOT clean. Do NOT do this craft unless you intend on running the dishwasher, deep cleaning the kitchen, mopping the floor, scrubbing the dining table (or wherever you do it), washing a load of clothes and giving the kid a bath. 

Seriously. This shit was everywhere. Even though I layered the dining table with two layers of butcher paper and Calen was donning a smock, it looked like the remains of a nuclear waste plant after a mammoth explosion. There was red and blue batter in every corner of this house. I had first put the "paint" in Ziplock sandwich bags. I told Calen to squeeze the red bag first. He did. The bag POPPED. Luckily the smock caught most of it. So I moved them into freezer quart bags (a little thicker) and that at least solved any other explosion issues. However, it didn't stop Calen from missing the paper here and there and having it drip all over the table, onto him, off the butcher paper and onto the table.

And let's not forget the kitchen. The counters were covered in flour and baking powder. The sinks were full of colored batter, bowls, measuring spoons etc. I didn't know I was going to have to run the dishwasher at 2pm. 

For a 15 minute fun craft, I didn't expect 45 minutes of cleanup. If I'm going to make such a mess, it better produce something. Like cookies.

The end result after microwaving it. A sort of soft, puffy dried strangeness. Pretty neat actually.

 
#3. It is an OUTDOOR project. I don't know what this chick was thinking saying it was a good rainy day activity. Only if you live outside in a covered patio. I would definitely only ever do this again out in the middle of a field somewhere where I can promptly leave afterwards and let the crows clean it up. 


But what do I know? I'm not Martha Stewart. She'd do it right, wouldn't she. 

At least Calen enjoyed it. For 15 minutes. I didn't enjoy cleaning it up. For 45 minutes. 

Endnote: this was not a Martha Stewart recipe. This was some random blogger. But I assume that SHE assumes she's Martha Stewart. Poser.

Calen's masterpiece.

 

 

90s Family Movie Day

Well it's been like a whole five minutes since the kids caught their last cold so it was high time that they catch another one.

And not only that, but Calen apparently rolled in a colony of exactly three million rabid gnats, because he has (exactly) three million bug bites all over his body. And he takes after his father and swells like a marshmallow in the microwave, so my poor three year old morphed into a red blotchy Michelin Man. Between him and Cam's cough/runny nose, neither kid was in a very good mood today.

A boy and his dog. And his movie. (Beetoven)

So I declared it 90's Family Movie Day courtesy of Netflix. After a Dollar Store trip with friends to get supplies for our big Memorial Day picnic, I plopped the kids in front of the tv with lots of juice and crackers and allowed them to watch movies all day. Not just any movies though, movies that I watched as a kid. God help them.

So we watched Ferngully, Beetoven and Beetoven 2. The boys didn't give a crap about Ferngully (can't blame them - I forgot how stupid indy it was) but they loooved the Beetoven movies (particularly the first one...we watched it twice).

Juno loved the fact that we were watching live action movies of dogs all day.

Engrossed.

The Things You Say

Calen and I are playing in the ball tent. I shove a bunch of balls into the back of his shirt. He laughs, gets out, runs to daddy on the couch, whips around, sticks his butt in the air, and yells

"DAD! LOOK AT MY BALLS!!"

......

And once we recovered from laughter, I made him do it again (so that I could get a picture). Of course since we laugh he thinks it's even funnier. And he has no idea why.

We are really bad parents.

 

The Date.

Yesterday I talked about how Camden seems to really have it going with the ladies. He also spent some extra attention on his #2 girlfriend Samantha last night (pushing a girl around at sunset in a tonka truck? Pretty romantic. AND she kissed him on the lips). His #1 gal Caroline must have caught wind of this little scandal because I got a text from her mom this afternoon asking for a date at Yogo Factory tonight. Conveniently Caroline's brothers are out of town and Calen had to go to bed early tonight due to a terrible infection of whine-disease unspeakable crankiness so it was just going to be Caroline and Camden (and the mom's...hey, no dates under the age of...whatever....are unsupervised!). 

Taking a girl to a frozen yogurt parlor on a nice sunny evening should be a gold medal to any boy on a date, but I guess tonight just wasn't Cam's night. They had a couple moments....

The date started off well at least.

....and then it just turned to terrible awkwardness.

....well this is awkward...... P.S. you both need a lesson in doing your hair before a date.

She KNOWS about him and Samantha last night. She MUST. She didn't want Cam to touch her, talk to her, or even look at her. And even worse, she was eyeing the handsome teenage boys walking out of the parlor. You think you can get away with kissing ANOTHER girl last night?? Two can play at this game too.

Camden tried to salvage the date by taking her shopping. What girl doesn't like to shop?? Especially for new pacifiers and princess crowns. But by then Caroline was done with the date. He even took her to see the fish tanks. Nope, sorry dude, you are totally in the doghouse tonight.

Don't worry Cam, your relationship is eternally bound. She just needs some space for a day or two to cool down. 

"GET THIS NEANDERTHAL AWAY FROM ME! THIS DATE IS OVER!...and don't call for at least 3 days"

Love Triangles

Camden is a player.

No really. Calen shows basically zero interest in girls. They're all the same to him. If they will run and play with him, then they're friends. And that's pretty much it.

Camden, on the other hand, at only one year old is quite the ladies man. And though he won't take just ANY girl that passes by (though he will make sure to give them a heart-breaking crooked smile), he has collected a small cache of little women that he is currently courting (yes, plural. Player). 

This is also known as the Cape May Love Triangle (or whatever shape it makes)

And there is a hierarchy to the ladies in his life and who gets priority in his heart. He is like that creepy husband on that Sister Wives show. There is wife #1, #2 and #3. Or maybe a tribal king with his many wives. Yeah, that sounds a lot cooler and badass. He's a tribal king. The Cape May Tribal King.

Cam and his leading lady Caroline. They were CAUGHT here on the beach together in a moment of passion. March 2012

Cam's #1 leading lady is Caroline. She's the blonde bombshell with the 'tude, if ever there was one. While he is absolutely over the moon for her, she disregards him as a necessary evil (I guess I have to have a man, it might as well be him). In all seriousness, I've never seen two babies be so infatuated with each other. They don't play next to each other like most babies, they play with each other. It's adorable. Until Caroline puts him in his place and whacks him across the head with a toy or yells at him. She's the head of this household. For sure.

Love triangle soap opera plot #1 - Caroline is moving away in 2 weeks. Camden is going to be crushed. The other girlfriends are thankful that his #1 lady is finally leaving so they can move in.

Cam's #2 girl is Samantha. She's the quiet, sweet brunette next door (well, almost next door. Two blocks away? That counts right?). She's younger but she walks already and that impresses him. And he can't resist her long legs and freckles. And her heritage is Washington State. Good choice.  

Love triangle soap opera plot #2 - Samantha looooves Camden and likes to kiss him. On the lips. God forbid Caroline EVER catches Camden smooching another woman. I see her beating both of them with a frying pan. 

This was today. Love is escorting your lady around in a tonka truck. Cam and Samantha

Cam's #3 girl is Allison. Allison is the MUCH MUCH older, experienced cougar (she's almost four years old). But she's goofy, and loves to give Camden lots of attention, especially making him laugh. Laughter is the 2nd quickest way to Cam's heart (the first is food). And he is officially infatuated with her. 

Love triangle soap opera plot #3 - Allison is Samantha's OLDER SISTER. I bet their parents didn't see their daughters fighting over the same boy at ages 4 and 10 months. Shit always seems to start sooner than expected, doesn't it. 

Love triangle soap opera plot #4 - Allison is also infatuated with Calen. But he's also still in love with Kendall back in Washington (who's five. What is with him and older women?).  

Cam with sisters Samantha and Allison. Clearly Sammy is upset that Cam and Allison are having a moment.

Can you keep up with all of that? I think I have the next storyboard for ABC's newest Desperate Housewives show. I'll be waiting for my phone call from them... 

 

Life's A Zoo

We go to our little Cape May County Zoo a lot here. For a lot of reasons.

1. It's free - umm..heck yes! Free entertainment for the whole family? Yes please.


2. It's small - believe it or not this is a good thing. It makes it not so large and overwhelming that you can't decide on a whim to jump in your car and spend an hour or so "walking the zoo", seeing it all and then heading home without having to pack snacks, lunch, 190 diapers and 13 water bottles. 

The downside of it being a small zoo (and being the only real family entertainment within 1000 miles) is that if you attend on a weekend, a field trip day or any day between late May through the end of August is that you will be battling 10 thousand unattended wild south Jersey children and their obnoxious inconsiderate parents in a compact area. Avoid at all costs.

3. It has an enormous playground right near the entrance by the parking lot, so it's basically a two for one deal for the kids. Go to the zoo, then wear off whatever energy you have left at the playground. Perfection.

The three big boys (Calen, Matty, Aiden) watching the birds

We went today with friends and spent almost TWO HOURS there. Calen was a big patient boy today and walked the entire zoo (instead of asking for the stroller that Cam was occupying) with no complaints and even had the energy to spend almost an hour and a half at the playground after that. Even Camden was in good spirits the entire time (even though he only had a 45 minute nap that day) and couldn't stop laughing/squealing/being a howler monkey at the top of his lungs on the swings.

My howler monkey on the swings

Because the kids were so good today, I had to set myself up for certain annihilation by taking my tired, hungry men to Home Depot to get paint (because Camden's Monkey room is only half painted. Remember when I said I was going to get it done within like 3 days? Remember how that was like 3 weeks ago? I ran out of blue paint and never bothered to go to the store to get more. I was painted out at that point until today).

Calen wouldn't stop playing to take some stupid picture

I had the lid to the old can of Dutch Boy blue paint (from 2010, when I painted our accent wall in the dining room). Home Depot doesn't carry Dutch Boy. Fine. So I put the kids back in the car and went to Lowe's and got them out of the car again. They don't carry Dutch Boy. And the paint can lid said it was from Walmart. FINE. So I put the kids BACK in the car, drove across the shopping center to Walmart, got them OUT of the car a third time (Cam had dozed off each short drive in between stores and was infuriated each time I woke him up). I get into Walmart. Walmart informs me that Dutch Boy paint doesn't exist anymore. I'm not interested in his pathetic excuses, so I ask him to just look up the code for the color (it's on the lid). Sure no problem. Until he informs me that NO codes are showing up at all and I can't get the same color.

Really? Well that's neat, but half of my kid's room is this particular blue. And I can't very well leave it half blue. You best find me something quick. So he starts experimenting with gallons of paint to attempt to make the same color. All while the boys, who just got done spending 3 and a half hours on the go at the zoo/playground, oh and an hour grocery shopping this morning so they're especially exhausted, and we're closing in on dinnertime so they're DYING OF STARVATION, are quietly sitting in the shopping cart. For an hour.

Yes, you just read that right. It's not a typo. My tired, hungry kids that have spent all day being shuffled from one place to another were just sitting there, quietly, not complaining, not crying, not whining.

What just happened?

Maybe they were too tired to complain (unlikely). Or maybe they were possessed by local monks (likely), but whatever the case be, they were amazingly patient little angels. Mommy was proud. 

Once the paint guy FINALLY got me a gallon of paint that somewhat resembled the color I needed, I rewarded my patient little men with Peanut M&M's and a new matchbox car. I wish (most) adults could be encouraged with such simple rewards.

Today's zoo crew. AMAZING everyone is looking. Everyone is also exhausted.

Wordless Wednesday (With Words)

It was like, 700 degrees today. Actually I think it was like 83. But either way it was hot. So I made Calen go outside (bad mommy), but all he wanted to do was sit at the patio table and play with his cars. I wanted him wearing himself to unconciousness active so I gave him a much better place to drive his cars - on the patio, in a huge sidewalk chalk city that we created together. (I asked him where all the landmarks should go). It was complete with a beach (where Spiderman was making sandcastles), gas station, hospital, school, zoo, aquarium, grocery store and construction site. 

After all, what city DOESN'T have a construction site? Calen is wise beyond his years.

It kept him busy for a while at least.

Calen's city complete with Little People Zoo and Lego Duplo gas stations/grocery stores

And then his friends came over and we forced encouraged them to go on the Slip N Slide over, and over and over until they were scraped up bleeding tired bored satisfied. 

Every household should be required to have a Slip N Slide. There is no excuse to not own one. This one was 5 dollars at Walmart. Seriously. Buy a Slip N Slide and you too can succeed in parenting.

The one time Calen slid down (after daddy threw him)

Okay, the forcing was only for Calen. His friends were totally okay with running and sliding. Calen apparently didn't want to risk bodily harm by sliding down it. Or whatever his reason was. So I had to throw him down it encourage him. 

Aiden is the slide master and shows everyone else how it's done.

We Interrupt This Broadcast For a Special Announcement:

First of all, Cam is STANDING but not walking. He won't even take a single step, his legs just turn to rubber (on purpose). ::sigh::. 

standing but NOT walking. Turd face.

Second of all, you don't get a full blog today because THIS has released

Diablo 3!!! AHHHHH

and I'm doing nothing but sitting on the couch with a beer and my computer and being a complete, total, grade A nerd.


(endnote: the game came with a notepad. So I can write down my grocery lists and notes to the babysitter with Diablo III warlock illustrated notepaper. How very suzy homemaker of me).

Mom's Day Monday

Today was our real day of celebrating Mother's Day. Why? because Sunday is so cliche'. We live on the edge and celebrate on weekdays. Whoa there cowboy. 

Actually, Brad took today off in advance to give me an extra day to sleep in while he got up with the boys, made me a nice breakfast and even had set up a massage for me at a local spa. 

I've never had a massage. I'm a country girl. I get dirty and get knee deep into projects and the kids and the last thing I ever think about is pampering myself. 

Besides, having some strange person rubbing my back always seemed slightly creepy.

But Brad was sweet enough to set the whole thing up and I did have a pretty worn out back from carrying the monkey Camden around all the time so I took full advantage of this quiet hour to myself in a peaceful little room with Asian zen music and relax my muscles. 

At first, it was hard for me to take it seriously. The lady (thank God it was a lady and not a man) was massaging my...ears? I didn't know ears could be massaged. And her belly was gurgling a lot, so I felt kind of bad since she must be starving and I wanted to make her a sandwich or something. And then she massaged my feet and I almost drop kicked her through the wall because I'm extremely ticklish.

But then the music, the darkness and the massage really started to take it's effect and I got really relaxed. It was fabulous. Like really fabulous. I could do that every week. It was a Swedish massage so it wasn't going to break my spine or anything, but it was a fabulous hour of muscle-squishing and I loved it and definitely plan on scheduling another one sometime in my life. 

Note: I left the spa smelling like eucalyptus (from the oils they used). It smelled good but it was also extremely alarming. I had to hold my keys in my knuckles hoping to God that a pack of wild Koala Bears weren't going to leap from the trees and start munching on my newly massaged ears. 

I came straight home to pick up my three boys. Brad said I could do anything I wanted to today and I wanted to check out the much talked-about Adventure Aquarium up in Camden NJ (please note: our Camden was NOT named for this crime-fest suburb of Philadelphia. It's a horrifying violence extravaganza and Cam was named in Washington before we knew this place existed. Endnote). 

Adventure Aquarium in Camden, NJ

We went there with high hopes (the aquarium, not the city) and we were not disappointed. This aquarium was INCREDIBLE. It put Seattle Aquarium (my only first-person comparison) to shame. The exhibits were exotic and enormous. Floor to second-story ceilings of big fish, sharks, sea turtles, sting rays, jellyfish, hippos, anything you can think of. It took us three hours to go through the whole park. The best parts were the Shark Tunnel - walk through a glass tunnel and be completely surrounded 360 degrees by large sharks. Both boys thought this was AMAZING. The other favorite were the touch tanks. We got to stick our hands into open tanks and "pet" baby sharks and sting rays swimming by. Calen LOVED the sharks but was scared of the sting rays and had to be coaxed to finally touch them. 


(I was surprised that sting rays are so soft and squishy! And sharks are really smooth and not as rough as I expected). 

Calen vs. Hammerhead shark round 1

 I think if the boys were a bit older we could have spent even more time there. They had a nice eating area, a penguin exhibit (currently closed because it was nearly closing time) and a 4D theatre that we skipped out on. There's also a Navy battleship just down the boardwalk that we could have toured too that we decided to save for another day. Of course they had a massive gift shop that you are forced to walk through in order to get to the back half of the aquarium. Clever little bastards. So we walked through and due to having certain three year olds with us (and sucker parents) we acquired a stuffed hammerhead shark (Sharkie) and a bunch of shark toys for the bath/pool. Well, at least Cam wasn't asking for anything (yet). 

Daddy feeding Cam to a Great White Shark in the Shark Tunnel

All in all, we had.a.blast. Definitely some place to take the kids to once or twice a year (not sure if I can ever step foot in Seattle Aquarium again after this). 

Petting sharks (see a theme? My kid likes sharks -- who doesn't??)

 To end our big day we went to Applebees for dinner (I had a serious craving for their Asian Wonton Tacos that had to be tended to immediately). The kids were exhausted but very well behaved. Applebees is one of the few restaurants in the universe that carries Pepsi (bless them) and they even had these awesome vintage Pepsi-Cola glasses I was oohing and ahhing over. Brad asked the waitress if we could have one or buy one. Which caused the executive manager (oooh fancy name!) to come out with a nice clean one that he "presented" to us like he was King Shit for generously giving us a glass that probably cost the store 30 cents. But who cares, I have a Pepsi-Cola glass! Happy Mother's Day Monday to meeeee. 

My free souvenir from Applebees. Yes.

Great day. Super exhausted. Back to reality tomorrow.