Mother's Day (A Week Late)

Editor's note: Mother's Day was actually a week ago. The more days that went on, the more I realized this story was so absurd I should make a blog post about it. So here I am, making a blog post about it a week later. This counts as a "later-gram", or whatever kids these days call it, right?

I don’t really expect a lot for Mother’s Day.

I mean, it’s kind of a ridiculous holiday. I don’t need flowers, or Hallmark cards, or some expensive gift to celebrate - what exactly? My day to day life?

What I do like is homemade cards, a day off from cooking (or cleaning up cooking), and some sort of adventure. You know something out of the norm, get out of the house and DO something kind of adventure. Well it’s Kodiak and the variety of adventures isn’t necessarily diverse, but the weather was spectacular and the rare sunshine called for us to get outside.

Listen, have you seen a Chevy Chase movie? Christmas Vacation, etc? If you haven’t, watch it because shame on you, but also follow along with my day and see if this couldn’t be a script for the next movie. Chevy Chase’s Alaskan Vacation. Produced by yours truly. 

The day started with the homemade cards waiting for me on the table and the boys sitting on the sofa lounging around. I asked if they had breakfast and they go “no but we wanted to have pancakes with you!” Which is sweet and all.

Except.

There were no pancakes made. They were sitting on the sofa, waiting for me to come down to make pancakes. It was like 8:30. They had been up for two hours and are fully capable of making pancakes thank you.

So I go and make pancakes and bacon and Brad is like “why are you cooking it’s Mother’s Day??” And I go “because kids have to eat on Mother’s Day just like any other day!” So then he rushes behind to clean up after me because you know “it’s your day you shouldn’t clean up on YOUR day.”

Maybe that’s why Mother’s Day is always “brunch”, because by the time the kids get the meal figured out and actually realize THEY have to cook it, it’s 10:30am and half the morning has already passed.

Well after our breakfast/brunch/whatever, we decided to go on our adventure. For Christmas, Brad’s folks had gifted us an inflatable two-person kayak. Super rad right? So we were waiting for the spring thaw and a good sunny day to take it out. Today was the day! The sun was shining, there were no sports or obligations and we were going to have some fun on the water.

We chose Lake Louise, which is only about a minute from our house. We loaded up and headed to the lake, only to find no boat launch. Why no boat launch on this perfectly boatable lake? We’ll go back to that in a minute.

Well, a lack of a launch wasn’t going to stop us! We are Alaskans! We will bushwhack to the lake shore! Which is basically what we did, then took the painstaking time to inflate the kayak and the seats AND build the oars AND read the instructions, all of which I have exactly zero patience for. But I held on and we build a raft, look at us!

Waiting is the hardest part. 

Calen and I were the first “team” to take “Banana” (as we named her, because she’s long and yellow and a little squishy) out on her maiden voyage. So he gets in and then I get in. We’re in! Let’s go! And we grab paddles and Calen suddenly shushes us and goes:

“Mom, I hear a HISS.”

No you don’t. You must hear a snake. Or a bird. Or someone going “hisss.” You definitely don’t hear a hole-in-the-brand-new-inflatable-boat-hiss.

“Yes I do. It’s right below me.”

So we get out. And sure enough. Brand new out of the box there’s a tiny hole in the seam, probably not enough to sink us but enough to most likely take on small amounts of water over time.

But we’re not about to risk it on our maiden voyage. What is this, the Titanic?

So we pulled the boat out. It came with a patch kit. Perfect. We can apply the patch and go out and nothing will be delayed. Read the instructions. “Do not operate kayak one hour after apply patch”.

Fine. Fine, FINE.

So we deflated the kayak, hauled it all the way to the car, and went home and watched Star Wars waiting for the patch and sealant to dry. Meanwhile, the sun had come out in full force and it was beautiful and perfect.

But it’s fine, I’ll just sit here and WAIT.

An hour goes by, Brad and Calen go test it in the garage and come back with the green light. Green means go! Round two and we pack back up, get in the car, drive to Lake Louise. Inflate the kayak, carry it down to the water, get in.

No hiss! Success! You've hissed your last, Hiss! (Please tell me you've seen Disney's animated Robin Hood). We are on our way!

Except we aren’t, because the kayak is literally stuck in mud and reeds. It’s probably a solid 30 feet of mud and reeds before we hit actual water. That’s fine, it’s FINE, the water is shallow and I can push us out there. So I get out. No problem. I start to push, which is challenging, but we’re halfway there already. 15 feet. 10 feet. I take a step, a slow and deliberate step forward.

And sink.

To my waistline. I sink through the mud from ankle-deep to my waistline in one step. Of course my calf-high Xtratuffs boots immediately flood with freezing cold water.

Perfect.

Well now we are committed, so I’m like FINE, and take three more big steps into the water, flooding my other boot, wrestling the kayak free of the reeds before tossing myself butt-first into the kayak and dumping out my boots of muddy lake water before actually getting situated and paddling.

But hey, now at least we are ACTUALLY underway.

Now the fun actually begins. This was fantastic. This was a core memory. Calen and I paddled around the lake, taking in the views, exploring this really cool cove that kept going on and on until it basically turned into a creek and we had to turn around, chatting, making jokes, having great conversations. I. Loved. It. 

Then Calen and I moored up on this little shallow shore we found, sans mud and reeds, and Brad and Cam hiked over to it and took their turn on the kayak while Calen explored and I laid my sopping wet washcloths socks out on a rock to almost sort of dry-ish. Then Brad got out and the boys went out on their own, which was it's own form of entertainment, arguing with each other at who was splashing who with a paddle and Calen trying to call out cadence to get them to row in a straight line while Camden called out random words over him to mess him up, because of course he would. 

After a couple hours of tooling around on the lake, we decided we should probably pack up and head home in order to get some dinner. 

After a couple hours of tooling around, we decided to turn in and pack up and get ready to NOT cook for Mother’s Day. There aren’t many restaurants here in Kodiak, but I decided I wanted sushi from the one and only sushi place, Hanna (or Powerhouse, if you’re a true local). Now I’m no first timer adult - eating out on Mother’s Day is busy and far too peopley, so I suggested we just order take out. So Brad calls. Busy signal.

Side note - it’s the year 2022. How does a business, let alone a BUSY business, not have call waiting? A second line? Just saying. 

So he calls again. Busy signal. A third time, and it says some automated “this phone line is no longer in service” or some insulting error like that. A fourth call and a repeat error, so we said screw it. Let’s get Noodles. Brad calls. No answer. He gets frustrated and says “it’s fine I’ll just go into town and grab it.” So he leaves at 6pm. 

Thirty minutes later and he calls and says it’s going to be an hour and 15 minute wait. For takeout? No. NO. I’m hangry, it’s basically the middle of the night, I’m not interested. He says he’s already paid and placed the order. I said well you best cancel it.

So twenty minutes later he managed to cancel it. He comes home and we have peanut butter and jelly for Mother’s Day dinner.

Fitting, isn’t it. 

But that’s not the end.

I post my happy pictures of us on the lake on social media. Get a text from a Coastie on duty. “Ummm, you might want to know that you’re not allowed to be on the water on Lake Louise.” And I go “why-ever the heck not?” And she goes “wellllll, the rumor is there are unexploded ordinances in the water.”

Of course there was.

I mean, it wouldn’t be a GOOD adventure if we didn’t do something slightly unauthorized, right?

I call this day Happy Accidents, because you either laugh or cry.

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