Day 47: Mad Scientists

We were still pretty much useless today. And it was gloriously nice to be useless for an entire weekend. Brad worked in the garage and the kids "helped" finishing a couple of bigger projects around the house, like splitting our yard in half so that Juno has her "own" yard and can dig and poop and do what dogs do and NOT jump over our worthless 3 foot tall fence in the back and chase the turkeys/cats/foxes/everything, and I stayed inside and played video games like the good little housewife I am. 

Juno's new yard mecca. Higher fence + freedom to dig and poop = happy dog and happy humans

Juno's path from the back door to her yard. Brad made a nice gate at the back door. 

Seriously though, in the world of colds, this one is a wicked one. Brad and I keep having contests on who can cough harder and break ribs. 

I did take a walk with the dog and my neighbor today. Color me productive. 

I did feel bad that I've basically ignore the kids all weekend so I pulled out a science kit that Calen got for his birthday and figured it was a great lazy indoory type day to do it. This one was the classic erupting volcano. I figured the box would come with a volcano mold, vinegar and baking soda and maybe some food coloring. You know, basic stuff. 

Well it came with plaster and paint and you build the volcano from scratch (with a mold). 

Okay, cool. So it'll be a little more involved. The kids will like that. 

My fault for not reading the instructions earlier in the day, because once we poured the plaster in the mold and waited 45 minutes for it to harden, it said to wait at least 1-2 days before painting and then you can do the experiment. 

Commence disappointed kids. Oops. 

Luckily we had two more boxes of science kits at the ready so I pulled out a crystal mining kit and the kids spent a good hour chopping away at this block of....something....hoping to find crystals inside. 

Except, the plastic butter knives the kit came with took 400 years to even expose a tiny piece of rock inside the block, and the kids started to lose interest. After an hour, I don't blame them. 

So I did what every good scientist does. 

I slammed that sucker down on the sidewalk and watched the block crumble into five or six chunks, exposing all the crystals. 

So there. 

The kids still had to carve the crystals out and then wash them in the sink and really did enjoy it. And it obviously took a lot longer than I thought the activity would so it was a win-win. 

Except for that block. It didn't win. 

Impenetrable brick of doom (please appreciate our volcano drying on the table)

Day 46: Failing to Win

Some Saturdays, you sleep in. Some Saturdays, you get up at 7am, feed kids and stuff them in their baseball uniforms, because you have to leave the house at 8 for their games that are starting 20 minutes apart at completely different fields. And then you look outside and see the rain:

Watching the rain. So much for getting up early to suit up for a double header. 

...and call the Field status hotline and find out all the fields are closed for the day. So you undress them, give them a snack (because they're STARVING after having a full breakfast), and turn on Disney Infinity (video game) for them. And let them play until 4pm, because you're tired from not sleeping and not feeling 100% because you caught the coughing bug for the sixth time this month. 

That's like, 8 hours of video games today, people. 

Some days you just fail at trying to win at parenting. So you don't. You decide to hell with it and let the kids have a day of sitting on their butts in front of the TV for hours while you sit on your butt for hours and do absolutely nothing and let anyone who's got binoculars sighted into your house judge you for "too much screen time" like you've never been judged before. Whatever. After all, it's only one day, right? 

After a stomach bug, two and a half weeks of visitors, stomach bug round two and a chest cold with not a single day in between all of them, we needed a day of surrender. 

Day 45: Why Don't You Feed Your Kids?

For those that don't have much personal experience with my kids, they eat a lot. A lot. My boys eat like 15 year old linebackers on a high school football team. If I had a dollar for every "Can I have a snack?" or "I'm just SO hungry!!!", I could retire and purchase my own tropical island and sleep in a hammock and drink cocktails out of coconuts for the rest of my life. 

But no one's paying me so here I stay in Northern California with zero coconuts.

If you think they eat a lot normally, wait for their growth spurts. Growth spurts make them emotional (Calen), extremely cranky (Camden), tired, and hungry. Always always hungry. Growth spurts for the boys usually come around their half-birthdays and their birthdays. 

It's Camden's birthday month. 

He's in a growth spurt. 

The other day I picked up Cam from preschool and his teacher (Ms. Selfa) pulled me aside. I assumed it was another "please sign this paper" stating that Cam had hit his head (again) at recess or another note of "please explain to him that he can't color his stomach with markers" kind of thing that I never got with Calen but always seem to get with Cam. 

Instead, she asks me: "Does Camden eat breakfast?"

What? Does he eat breakfast? Of course he eats breakfast! He eats more than me and he's not even five. 

I managed to stumble out "Uh, yeah. A huge breakfast. Every day."

In fact, that morning he had eaten a bowl of instant oatmeal (two packages), a cup of fruit, and a slice of peanut butter toast. And an apple. For breakfast. 

His teacher explains to me that he's coming to school STARVING and eats three or four servings of their free breakfast they offer to actually needy kids (not mine) every single morning this month. Not 45 minutes after his monstrous breakfast at home. And that he SAYS he didn't get breakfast. 

And so now she's worried that I'm not feeding my kids. 

I dare her to call CPS and check my grocery bill and see how much these two tiny humans consume. Though in her defense, I can understand her concern, because with the amount of food they eat both boys should be on Dr. Phil for being 200 pound grade schoolers. But neither of them can gain weight to save their lives. 

Especially Cam, who's actually small for his age. Damn short/skinny Mom genes. 

I'm not sure what kind of delicious mecca of a breakfast they're serving (if it's raspberry filled powdered donuts, I'd eat 3 or 4 servings too), but I tried to convince Cam to not eat their breakfast and now, on top of his huge breakfast at home, I'm sending him to school with an apple every day to eat. Which I'm pretty sure he eats in my neighbor's car before he gets to school so that he can eat whatever they're serving too. 
Luckily Ms. Selfa believes me for now and it doesn't seem to be an issue that he eats their breakfast too. 

I'm not going to be able to afford or manage feeding teenage boys in ten years if they're already eating like this. 

Stop eating all my food!!

Day 44: You Know You've Won At Parenting....

You know you've won at parenting when....

Your 4 year old cries when Han Solo dies. Not because it's a character that dies but because it's Han Solo and he KNOWS who he is. 

Sorry. Spoiler alert. But if you haven't seen the movie by NOW, shame on your face. 

And cheers during the lightsaber battle. And knows all the characters even though tonight was the first time he had seen the Force Awakens. 

Thank you Disney Infinity 3.0 for introducing the new cast to Camden first. 

That's the excitement of the day. Star Wars: The Force Awakens on Blu Ray. 

BB8 is adorable and I want one as a pet. 

That's Cam cheering with delight during a lightsaber battle between Rey and Kylo Ren

Day 43: Summer Preview

So last week we were in hoodies, parkas, knit caps, and flying kites in the sunny skies with arctic winds. Suddenly, it got warm yesterday, and today, it was HOT. Like "did I just wake up from a two month coma and we're in July now?" hot. 

I'm not complaining. It's suddenly summer and I can go outside without a jacket. In California. 

Wednesdays are half days around here for public schools...

...we interrupt this broadcast for a special announcement. WHY Wednesdays?! If you're going to have a half day every week, can't it be like, Friday? Or Monday? So that you know we remember because no one is going to forget an almost 3 day weekend. 

And now back to your regularly schedule program. 

....so it was a half day today and Calen came home a little after 2. I decided the best way to celebrate an 85 degree day is with a bucket full of water and some squirt guns. 

Can we please take a moment and appreciate the fact that Cam has Batman vs Superman swim suit

The kids pretended our truck was on fire and were putting out the fires with their water guns. Later a water fight began, including two random girls that were walking by and decided that they needed to be a part of this awesomeness (fully clothed...one even had a dress on). 

And then Camden lost his brains because even though he was shooting everyone else with water, he didn't want to get shot himself (even though he was soaking wet already). So he cried and cried and after several warnings his afternoon was over and he went inside to lay on his bed until it was time for his tball game. 

Such is the tragic life of a four year old. 

Calen and these girls I didn't know continued their water fight for another hour and he even somehow convinced the younger girl (probably a year older than him) to play Minecraft Nerf zombie hunters in the garage with him. 

Lady killer. 

Too bad it's supposed to be like 20 degrees cooler tomorrow. 

Day 42: There's a Coughing In My Belly

Cam had to go to the doctor today for a persistent cough that he's had for almost three weeks. 

Those that know Cam, know he talks quite a bit, but usually doesn't talk a lot when his brother is around. Mostly because his brother never shuts up and he can't get a word in. That's the curse about being the little brother. You never get to be Player 1 and you never get to speak your mind. Well this doctor's appointment was while Calen was still at school. 

So Cam goes marching into the doctor's office and announces loudly:


"Hi! I have a bad cough. Do you...do you think you could make my cough all better? It's in my belly. HEY want to see my belly it's COLORFUL." (and proceeds to lift up his shirt to reveal a color wheel of scribbles around his belly button that he had made at school) "Hey, don't give me bad medicine. Okay, OKAY?! My mom has bad medicine at home. The doctor's not going to give me bad pokeys is she? NO bad pokeys. Okay?!"

Then we are taken into the exam room and the doctor comes in and he starts his non stop sentence all over again. 

"Hey! I have a WEALLY bad coughing in my belly. Hey want to see my belly?? It's so colorful. Hey what's that is it going to hurt? Hey!! We have that thermometer at home! I don't have a fever. Am I sick? I have a cough but I don't want bad yucky medicine."

Remember that part in the movie Elf where Buddy is at the doctor and he won't stop asking ridiculous questions? It really reminded me of that. 

After the exam Cam announced "Mom! I'm not coughing! She made me all better!" for that moment, until he coughed 3 minutes later and said "Hey, you need to make me better again" to the doctor. 

Then the entire drive home he talked about his friends at school and having a pet tyrannosaurus rex and how it would eat his friends at school if he brought it to show and tell. 

I didn't know this kid could talk so much. 

"See doc my belly is so colorful"

Day 41: Picnicking

Some days, you only have the energy to throw a (brand new, bought this morning at Target) picnic blanket on the front yard and announce that having a picnic is going to be the exciting highlight of the day. 

Bonus points for unknowingly dressing your kid up in the same color pattern as your brand new picnic blanket. 

Day 40: The Rice A Roni Cars

My mom is here in town, so we decided to head into San Francisco this morning and be tourists for the day. We've all been before but it's such a fun city to go to, you can make something new of it every time you go. 

The kids had never been to Pier 39 so we parked down near it and had lunch at the famous Boudin Sourdough bread bakery, which none of us had ever been to. They have a window outside where you can watch them roll dough into french rolls while baskets of baked bread float by on a suspended track overhead. We obviously had bread bowls for lunch (mine had tomato basil soup inside) and sat in outdoor seating to watch and listen to the street shows (for better or worse). 

After lunch we walked uptown a few blocks and caught the Powell-Market cable car. Like the good pesky tourists we were, we waited for a later cable car so that we could get the outdoor seating and Brad and I could stand and hang onto those poles and lean out into traffic like some kind of San Francisco musical. 

When I was a kid, I used to call them the Rice a Roni Cars and I couldn't help but hum in my head the old mid 90s' commercials about the "San Francisco treat! Rice a roni, the flavor can't be beat!" the whole time we were on it. 

We went up Nob Hill and passed the Transamerica pyramid tower and the Coit tower and went through the outskirts of Chinatown, and it dropped us off at some ridiculous ultra-classy mall place with outrageous stores that are out of our league like Bloomingdales and Michael Kors and any other store you can think of that requires it's own security guard and Swiss bank account just to walk in the door. We went into the mall to use the bathroom, nothing more, and I wondered if by being inside the building with just a hoodie and not-so-designer jeans from Kohl's, if everyone around me thought I was homeless. 

Really, we had no business being in this snooty part of San-Fran, so we hopped back on the trolley and rode it all the way back to the Fisherman's Wharf. The kids of course loved this little adventure and it was an easy way to "tour" the majority of the city. I even let Calen stand for the last 2 minutes of the ride. 

We really didn't do anything else of note today, but it still made for a great adventure. Luckily we live close enough to San Francisco that we will have dozens of adventures there before our 4 year tour is up. 

Day 39: The Doubleheader

For the vast majority of our nearly ten year marriage, we have been a one car household. This has rarely been an issue for us, with the exception of a few minor headaches here and there of "well I can't go to the grocery store because Brad had to run to the hardware store really fast" or "well we need to ask the neighbors if we can borrow a car to take Camden to the Emergency Room for stitches because Ashley took the car and drove to NYC for the day" (that's a true story). 

As the kids have gotten older the need for a second vehicle has become more obvious. They're both in school, we're a lot busier with family activities, and starting this spring, they're both in baseball. On different teams. In different divisions. Which means one thing: schedule conflicts. 

This morning was our first real test of being a one car family with active kids. Calen's game started at 9 (which means arrive at 8:30) at "A park" on one side of town. His games last exactly 1 hour and 50 minutes (or 6 innings, whichever comes first). Camden's game started at 11 (which means arrive at 10:30) at "H park", across town ("across town" is really only ten minutes away. But still). Calen's game ended up starting 15 minutes late because they forgot to put gasoline in the pitching machine (eyeroll). 

See the time discrepancy there? Two kids. Two games. Two fields. Overlapping times. One car. 

Well shit. 

First of all, Calen's game was great. He had an infield base hit and was an absolute all star at third base, making two really impressive snags on grounders, and even though the runners were safe on both plays, he prevented them from advancing further and kept the opposing team from scoring a single run in the entire game. The Indians won 1-0 (a shockingly low score for 6-7 year old baseball). 

The game was over. It was 10:40. 

Suddenly it was a "QUICK! Get all your baseball shit together, stuff it in your bag and RUN FOR YOUR LIFE to the car!!" Then driving mostly safe across town, sliding into a parking spot and flying out of the car, trying to find all of Cam's baseball gear underneath all of Calen's gear that we had just ceremoniously thrown into the trunk, pull it all out, RUN FOR OUR LIVES across the parking lot to Cam's field, and throw ourselves onto a blanket in the grass with five minutes to spare for Cam's game to start. 

Holey moley. 

The truth of the matter is we need a second car. The other truth of the matter is that we successfully pulled off our first big test of spring baseball with one car. 

Camden's game was quite possibly the most adorable thing I've ever seen. I forgot how cute it is to watch 4 and 5 year olds play tball for the first time. It's a brightly colored, slightly organized shitshow of tiny people in ill-fitting uniforms running all over the grass after a single baseball. There is laughter and tears and confusion and HUMONGOUS SMILES when the ball finally comes to them. It's like a full circle of preschooler emotions in a 45 minute game. It's SO cute it just might kill you. 

Cam had the time of his LIFE. They put him at pitcher (defensive position only) and luckily for him that was where just about every ball went to so he got to make a lot of plays, and each time would cheer to the world "I GOT IT!!! I GOT THE BALL!!!!!!" and all the parents on the sidelines would go in unison "awwwwwwwww." And then a few balls went the opposite direction and Cam would still take off all the way to the opposite outfield to get the ball and the coach would tell him to stay at his spot and let others get the ball and he'd get a little mad and we'd all laugh at his expensive for being so enthusiastic. 

It's so cute I can't stand it. 

And now that's it's over, it's time to shop for a second car. 

Day 38: Party Hardy (Minecraft Style)

Well, after a lot of rescheduling around spring break, relatives visiting and entire weekends compromised by puking households, Calen finally got to have his birthday party. 

It's only 5 days late anyways. Though of course to him it might as well have been 5 months. 

Per request, Calen had a Minecraft party. Which is totally original and creative and no kid in the last two years has had a Minecraft party. 

NOT. It's pretty much the thing since every boy (and girl) from ages 6 to 16 plays Minecraft on whatever electronic device they have in their home. 

I know nothing about Minecraft (and I'm a self-declared gamer-nerd that plays a lot of popular games on all platforms -- but especially Playstation and Xbox). Luckily, since it's basically the most popular game around right now, Pinterest was completely overflooded with ideas for a Minecraft birthday party so I got a crash course in the game. I didn't want anything completely ridiculous for this party. A cake, some decorations, the end. So I picked through the ten thousand pins of Minecraft parties and chose a few extremely cheap and stupid simple things for Calen's party. 

I was not interested in being one of those extravagant out of control birthday party planners. I firmly believe you can make a kid's party "cool" without it costing your mortgage and 3 years of planning. This party seriously cost me less than $50 and I threw it all together in a couple of hours this morning (mostly because when I woke up this morning I had a "OHMYGAWD the party is TODAY!" panic moment and HAD to get it all done in a couple hours before they came home from school). 

So, the party. We did it in the garage, because obviously. It's big and spacious and the boys were allowed to be loud and rowdy and make a huge mess and spill their neon green Gatorade without me even batting an eye. Using Pinterest, I made some Minecraft spiders out of balloons and streamers and taped them up on the walls, and also made a gigantic creeper (the Minecraft bad guy thing) out of square plates. I moved Calen's TV into the corner of the garage and set up the Playstation so that they could play...surprise...Minecraft. 

Gamer hangout

The main hit with this party is the food. Because Minecraft is a mining/survival/building game, it was super easy to have snack items on the table represent real things in the game. It took me about five minutes on google to find free printable Minecraft labels for the food I picked. So pretzel sticks were "sticks", Cheetos were "torches", grapes were "emeralds", etc. And lime green Gatorade decorated as creepers.

People who know me know that making a super rad cake is my thing for the boys every year. Even if we don't have a party, they get to pick what kind of cake I'll make. This cake was seriously the easiest "cake" I've ever made. Being that Minecraft is "retro" and is very blocky and pixely, I used premade Rice Krispie Treats to basically just stack together to make a Minecraft "world". I used leftover green frosting (from his baseball cake on his actual birthday) for the grass on top of the "grass blocks", leftover red gel frosting for the "lava", leftover white frosting that I colored blue for the "lake", and a free printable Minecraft trees that I taped to toothpicks for the trees on the cake. Then I bought some mini Minecraft figures from Target and put them all over the cake. Done done and done. It took maybe 45 minutes to make, tops. And it turned out way awesome. 

Calen invited 3 of his favorite friends and they spent the entire afternoon/evening in the garage, being loud, shooting spiders with Nerf guns, eating, playing Legos and playing Minecraft on the Playstation. And that was that. No stupid party games, no micromanaging from parents (except for one forced photo of them before the creeper fell off the wall), nothing. I planted myself in a chair outside the garage with a beer to "guard the exits" to make sure no kids disappeared, and they entertained themselves. 

Easiest at-home party ever.