Day 87: How to Watch Deadpool With Kids In The House

Disclaimer: READ the content of this post before assuming that the title meant I actually allowed my kids to even be in the same room as us while watching Deadpool. We didn't. And you shouldn't allow your kids to either. It's seriously no-shit NOT FOR CHILDREN EVER. 

Not for kids. No. Never. Ever. 

So our friends came over for dinner and suggested that we rent Deadpool on Amazon. They've seen it but Brad and I hadn't yet, and with our powers combined, we were going to find a way to successfully watch it without having to outsource for babysitters. So here's the step by step on how to watch a horrifically graphic, violent, sexually charged action hero movie while your kids are still in the house. 

1. Have a two story house. Which we do, so win! If you don't better start construction on that attic-extension. Make sure you are watching the movie on a separate floor than your children.

2. Double Date it, with kids too. We invited our friends over for dinner, whose son is one of their friends. When kids are entertained by friends, they generally ask for less snacks/boredom fixers/can I have-fill in the blanks. 

3. Feed them dinner first. So that they're not hungry and come down asking for food. 

4. Send them upstairs with Netflix and a ridiculously gigantic baseball stadium souvenir-sized popcorn bucket. In case they get hungry anyways. Which they will. 

Objects in mirror are LARGER than they appear. Seriously. That bucket is humongous.

5. Make explicit rules that they may NOT come downstairs. Ours are old enough that they understood and actually followed the rule that they were allowed down to the landing of the stairs and needed to SHOUT if they needed one of us. 

6. Barricade your stairs. In case they can't follow #5 (we didn't have to). Use chairs. Or trip wire. or a snare. 

7. Have the TV power-off button at the ready. If they break rule #5 and manage to pass through the barricade, turn the TV screen off. There is no good place to pause this movie. 

We successfully made it through the movie and only had to pause once when the kids shouted from the stairs landing. It's graphic but hilarious. 

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