Spiky Apple Pie Carmel Apples of Doom

Have you ever heard of Pinstrosity? It's a website dedicated to those people (like me) who see beautiful ideas, recipes, crafts etc on Pinterest and attempt to make them as beautiful as the pictures show. However, they are normal people like me, which generally means nothing ever turns out even remotely attractive as these Martha Stewart assholes that originally post them. And whatever turns into a bonafide disaster usually ends up on this "reality" website.

Here is my first entry. 

I found this original pin and gasped with joy.  

Aren't they beautiful?

Caramel apples that taste like baked apple pie? Sold. AND apparently they sell them at Disney. Which means I can make them here and NOT spend twenty-seven-or-however-much dollars on one when we go to Disney next year. Totally excited to do this. 

Apples ready to be attacked by delicious melted caramel

So Calen and I attempted to make these beauties today. I followed the recipe exactly how the pin told me to. First, I attempted to melt the caramels. I even Googled how to melt caramel chews. 

My caramels burned to a crisp. Even though I used butter. On low heat. While stirring constantly. 

LUCKILY, I had several little cups of that pre-melted caramel dip. So I emptied them all out into a bowl and dipped the apples in that. 

Screw you, burning caramel chews.

Here's how to NOT waste your time setting 800 little caramel chews on fire

Then, I was told to put them in the fridge to have the caramel set. So I did, and waited for it to harden. 

It never hardened. Why? Because it's NOT melted caramel chews. 

Calen (I mean Pirate Calen) helped me cover the apples in caramel. Also in the background, that thawing ground beef gave us food poisoning tonight. We're 0 for 2 today.

Then I melted the white chocolate chips in the microwave as recommended. And that worked fine. But as I attempted to spoon the melted chocolate over the NOT hardened caramel, it turned into a swirling cross-contaminated mess. 

And I totally couldn't get the nice smooth layer on it like whatever bitch did the ones in the original pin. 

Sprinkle on a (generous) dose of cinnamon/sugar, and let it harden. And this time it hardened. But once it was cool, it was not a beautiful, sexy, smooth apple pie carameled apple. It was a jagged, angry apple with sharp poky spikes. It's going to be like biting into a rolled up hedgehog. 

Spiky Carmel Apples of Doom

However, it smells like apple pie. And I believe it will be tasty. I hope. I pray. Update tomorrow when we test taste it. 

         

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