The Omen. And the Day That Followed.

Are you ready for a long read? Don't say I didn't warn you.

I should have known today was going to be one of those days. You know, sometimes you wake up and say "Oh...shit...it's coming, I can feel it. Today is not going to be a normal day." 

Today didn't start that way. Today started with an omen. 

Actually, it started last night, with an ANT INFESTATION on our living room windowsill. Those little bastards just can't leave my house alone!! So I poisoned the crap out of them. (they're not here anymore! Mwahahaha)

Home INVASION!! Wretched ants I'll kill you all.

I started drinking these Shakeology protein drinks for breakfast at the recommendation of a friend (who after three kids looks effing fabulous, while after two I still look pregnant. So I totally wanted to steal her idea see how she did it). She gave me a big bag of the chocolate flavored one.

It's disgusting!! Even after several blender science experiments (adding bananas, berries, yogurt, milk, anything, everything) I still can't get over that nasty gritty fake-chocolate taste. But I finally find a concoction that mildly resembles something almost delicious (frozen berries, milk, vanilla yogurt).

I guess it's kind of working too. I lost 22 pounds (before Easter and it's wretched candy), but I don't notice my enormous c-section belly disappearing, only my boobs and my ass. Ummmm hello??

After all the crap ingredients I add to the shake, the blender is over half full, so I usually can only choke down drink about half. So I save the other half for the following day, in the top blender part (with lid on), in the fridge. 

Here's where the omen part comes in. 

This morning I knew I had some shake from yesterday in the fridge and I planned on having it for breakfast. So I opened the fridge.  


The blender LEAPT AT ME. Not like it fell out of the fridge, like it base-jumped off the shelf and came at me like an angry spider monkey with a spear. I managed to dive out of the way just in time for it to make a suicide fall onto the kitchen floor.


I'm actually quite lucky to be alive.

When Protein Shakes Attack 4. My life luckily was spared.

The remains of the savage axe-murdering shake was...gory, to say the least. There was shake ever.y.where. On two fridge shelves, inside the two produce drawers, splattered (and dripping) off the inside of the door, ALL.OVER. the kitchen floor, and somehow, underneath the refrigerator. 

All I could do was stare mouth agape at the disaster. Where do you even begin with such a mess? If we owned this place, I would have just sold the house right then. As is. 

It was the start to a very.long.day.


Moments after this catastrophe, I got a call from a friend of mine. Her husband was in the ER and needed his appendix out and surgery was in a couple hours. Could I take their three kids (ages 5, 3, and 1) for the day?


Will they mop up this mess for me?

I love these kids so of course I said yes. Which meant I had a very short amount of time to buy a new kitchen clean up the 80 gallons of chocolate shake off my fridge and kitchen floor. Which I somehow got done within minutes of their arrival. Not really clean, but clean enough.

I had a deep clean prepared for the kitchen soon anyways. "Soon" wasn't going to be this week, but apparently, now it is. 

So for the majority of the day, I had five kids under the age of six. And all I can really say is HOLY NOISE. I kept them outside for most of the day (thank you God for a sunny day!!) which kept the chaos down to a minimum. The hardest part was convincing the kids that the outside toys (full of sand, dirt, mud, etc) had to stay outside and the inside toys needed to stay inside (so that they don't get full of sand, dirt, mud, etc). 

Aiden's face pretty much depicts the chaos of the day. And bubbles are awesome.

We only had one toy casualty, where an electronic tractor made it outside...into the sandbox....and now it doesn't work anymore. And it's brand new. Poop. 

Since it was already beyond crazy, I texted a neighbor friend and invited her over with her two toddlers (hey, why not just add to the chaos at this point?). So we had SEVEN kids under six inside, outside, around the house. We posted chairs at the gate to my backyard so that we could see kids in the fenced yard, out on the playground behind the yard, and in the house all at once. Super-Mommy-360 Degree-Security-System. 


There were kids EVERYWHERE. In the sandbox. In the ball pit in the house. Riding on plastic motorcycles on the deck. Throwing monster trucks down the slide on the playground behind our fence. Babies crawling over the Little Tikes picnic table (literally...I had to stop the two babies from causing a trip to the ER). And it seemed that the toy box had a litter of baby toy boxes because there were more toys on the ground than I had EVER SEEN. 

3 year olds flying around the house pushing 1 year olds at 90mph. At least there were no injuries.

But, all chaos aside, it went surprisingly well. The kids (even mine) were well mannered and played nice. The worst part of the whole thing was cleaning up after everyone left. I had to sweep sand into a shovel to get it back in the sandbox, find out where all those toys came from and return them to their proper place, etc. 


I'm not sure why I bothered. They're all coming back tomorrow for a couple hours. I should have just left it as it was. But then I wouldn't have been able to navigate my own house. 

And because I hadn't had enough excitement for one day (thank God it was leftovers night. I was NOT cooking after today), a friend (Kerry) and I got the skinny that another friend's brother was "getting off the bus" tonight on base as a fresh recruit.

(Did I ever mention the base we live on is the basic training base? Well it is)

AND the lead company commander (CC - drill sergeant, basically) is another friend.

Now how could we miss THAT?

So Kerry and I moseyed over to the base at 8pm tonight to talk to our CC friend to get permission to stand in front of the forming hall when the bus rolled in and take pictures. So we did. And not only that, but we followed the recruits into the classroom to listen to them get yelled at and take more pictures.

Nothing could really beat how amusing that was. It was like watching a bunch of brain damaged sheep being herded and barked at by rabid dogs. 

FRESH MEAT.

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