The Ugly Dress Store.

Today I got to do something that every mom fantasizes about doing.

I left my house. And ran errands. Without the kids.

I KNOW, I'm in disbelief myself that this actually happened. I'm halfway convinced that it was some sort of caffeine-depravity hallucination since I decided to quit my Pepsi habit yesterday.

(I made it all day yesterday without one. But after 4 hours of sleep last night and a mammoth headache, I broke down and bought one today. This is why I've never smoked a cigarette, dropped acid, etc. I'd be hooked for life. I'd be hooked in the after-life. Does Heaven have Pepsi Machines? If not, they need to get on that.)


Brad got off work early today. Like 10am kind of early. I had some errands to run today. Like getting my hair cut for the first time in SEVEN MONTHS. (dude, it's time). So he offered to take the kids so I could run out and get it done.

So I took this idea...and RAN with it. 

I left to get my haircut at 11am. Afterwards, I wasn't ready to go home to play matchbox cars and listen to 19 variations of the "Happy Birthday" song on Yo Gabba Gabba. 

So I went to Walmart and screwed around. I can't just screw around when the kids are in the cart begging for some random toy and screaming because they're sleepy. I wandered around and looked at shoes (for ME for once!) and other random items, (including 75% off Easter eggs and coloring kits...hell yes!) I even went into the electronics section.

Moms know that the electronic section is OFF LIMITS when you have kids with you. Every DVD with Thomas the Train or some other random character is suddenly the most important thing they could ever own in their life and they need it NOW. They snatch up Xbox games and fling them across the aisle before you can catch them, and all you can do is pray that the damn game isn't broken so you don't have to spend $65 on Big Game Fishing: Boring Edition. 

But today, I got to go in. Kid free. Just to SCREW AROUND.

I came home for a whopping half hour (exactly how I planned it). Then my good friends Heather and Kerry and myself took off for another shopping trip, on a terrifying mission to find dress shoes for the Coast Guard ball next week. 

We're all on the same paygrade, so we all have the same budget: cheap. So we went to the best designer shoe stores in town: Ross, TJ Maxx, and we got really risky and stepped foot into a Famous Footwear. 

Apparently Ross/TJ Maxx is a dangerous place for us three 20 something moms that suddenly had a moment away from our kids. We went wild. 

Wild at Ross is picking through the Ugly Section...aka the dress section, and pulling out the most hideous frocks ever designed on the entire planet, and then LOUDLY declaring to the world how it's the ugliest thing we've ever seen and then making two, three or one hundred comments about. Rinse and repeat, over and over, every aisle. Dresses, shirts, shoes, BIG COLORFUL SOUTHERN HATS, etc. 

You WISH you looked this good when you try on ugly hats at Ross. Me, Heather, and Kerry.

It never occurred to me just HOW much ugly shit all ends up inside those discount stores. It's overwhelming. It's an infestation. Like cockroaches. In polyester. 


We couldn't stop laughing, and I'm sure all the ugly clothes shoppers were pretty pissed off at us. Serves them right for wearing ugly clothes.


I'm pretty sure this is why we aren't allowed to go shopping without children.

Oh yeah, and I did find some dress shoes. Regularly priced at $89, got them for $22. Hell to the yes! (leaves me leftover money to buy that amazing blue hat I'm sporting. 

And because I don't wear heels and these are enormous heels and will probably end up in the ER the night of the ball due to two broken ankles/feet/everything related to limbs, I bought some purse ballet flats (best.invention.ever) and a lovely cheap evening wallet. 

Dress shoes, evening wallet, purse ballet flats. Grand total: $32. Oh I do love a bargain.

   

 

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