Why I'm Not Martha Stewart

I had saved this one Pinterest art project for a rainy day since according to this gal (who I assume is Martha Stewart) it was quick, easy, and fairly clean and a good one when you're stuck in the house. 

Martha Stewart (or whoever this chick was) lies. 

The idea for it is simple. Combine flour, baking powder, salt and water to make a batter. Add food coloring, pour it into little baggies, cut the tips off (like frosting tubes), and squirt it all over paper. Then once you're finished painting, throw it in the microwave for 40 seconds and it turns into a puffy hard masterpiece. Or so they say. Here's what I've learned about this little project.

painting. Look at all my kid's freaking bug bites!! (this was post smock-explosion)

#1. It is not quick. Actually, making the paint substance was pretty quick. And actually, so was the project itself. But the cleanup of the kitchen, the project area and the kid was far more time consuming than I anticipated.

#2. It's NOT clean. Do NOT do this craft unless you intend on running the dishwasher, deep cleaning the kitchen, mopping the floor, scrubbing the dining table (or wherever you do it), washing a load of clothes and giving the kid a bath. 

Seriously. This shit was everywhere. Even though I layered the dining table with two layers of butcher paper and Calen was donning a smock, it looked like the remains of a nuclear waste plant after a mammoth explosion. There was red and blue batter in every corner of this house. I had first put the "paint" in Ziplock sandwich bags. I told Calen to squeeze the red bag first. He did. The bag POPPED. Luckily the smock caught most of it. So I moved them into freezer quart bags (a little thicker) and that at least solved any other explosion issues. However, it didn't stop Calen from missing the paper here and there and having it drip all over the table, onto him, off the butcher paper and onto the table.

And let's not forget the kitchen. The counters were covered in flour and baking powder. The sinks were full of colored batter, bowls, measuring spoons etc. I didn't know I was going to have to run the dishwasher at 2pm. 

For a 15 minute fun craft, I didn't expect 45 minutes of cleanup. If I'm going to make such a mess, it better produce something. Like cookies.

The end result after microwaving it. A sort of soft, puffy dried strangeness. Pretty neat actually.

 
#3. It is an OUTDOOR project. I don't know what this chick was thinking saying it was a good rainy day activity. Only if you live outside in a covered patio. I would definitely only ever do this again out in the middle of a field somewhere where I can promptly leave afterwards and let the crows clean it up. 


But what do I know? I'm not Martha Stewart. She'd do it right, wouldn't she. 

At least Calen enjoyed it. For 15 minutes. I didn't enjoy cleaning it up. For 45 minutes. 

Endnote: this was not a Martha Stewart recipe. This was some random blogger. But I assume that SHE assumes she's Martha Stewart. Poser.

Calen's masterpiece.

 

 

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