Why the Internet Can't Be Free.

Some idiot once said "the best things in the world are free." I don't know WHICH idiot said this but they said it, and it's kind of famous or something. I'm here to prove to you that most certainly is not true.

My kids are pretty awesome (usually). They could be considered some of the "best" things in my life (on the days that they don't act like wild hyenas in a feeding frenzy). My kids are not free. They're actually really effing expensive. They have the nerve to eat all my food and outgrow their clothes every five minutes and (at least one of them) is pooping in poop-catching apparatuses that I have to continue to buy more of. Plus all the AWESOME coolness that is the toy section that I have a hard time saying "no" to. Yeah, kids cost a ton.

My husband is pretty cool too. He isn't free. He eats our food. And requires lots of shiny type uniform items (especially since the Coast Guard can't decide what the standard uniform is going to look like and we have to keep buying new versions of the SAME thing). And every six months or so suddenly he NEEDS a new laptop/tablet/gadget/whatever. 

FAMILY costs a ton of money. We love our family and decided that moving across the country was a super idea. (Actually, that one we can blame the military. Turd-faces). So we spend a trillion dollars (or so) a year on plane tickets.

See where I'm going here? Nothing good is free. 

I used to say that certain things should be free, like the Internet. But now I realize that there is no way that the Internet CAN'T be free. The Internet is TOO good to be able to free.

For example. 50 years ago, you had to drive places to get things done, write letters to dear old Aunt Agnes to hear what songs she sang in church last Sunday, actually LEAVE YOUR HOUSE and be sociable and attend neighborhood gatherings to swap recipes, and pack a suitcase to see the wonders of the world. They were true pioneers.

Psh. Who NEEDS that? That is WAY too much work. Now let's go back to 2012. 

Currently, in my open Internet tabs, I am finding out how to remove the pedal brakes on Calen's bike (No I am not creating an Evel Kinevel, it screws up him learning to pedal), reading a journal (in 2012 we call them BLOGS) of a stay at home mom in Oregon, buying Tony Hawk sneakers for Camden, figuring out how to shoot my camera in manual mode from SEVEN different sources at ONCE, acquiring the recipe for spicy Chinese chicken salad, learning some beginner tips about how to use Photoshop, finding out about what happened today in every friend/family member I have's life (Facebook rocks my socks), and watching penguins. Live.


Oh YES you heard me on that last one. SeaWorld San Diego just put cameras up in their penguin exhibit. And then they decided to stream it live. 24 hours a day. So if I wake up at 3:30am and suddenly decide that I HAVE to see PENGUINS NOW, I can turn on the Penguin Cam, and watch penguins hobble around and squeal at each other and flap their useless wings and be all that penguin cuteness. Now how can anything in this world be more cool than penguins live on your computer screen. They are PENGUINS and they are awesome doing their PENGUIN awesomeness. Live. Doesn't that just make your head want to explode with all that coolness?!


Now look at all that you had to do to get shit done 50 years ago. It would take a week! Look at how much I got done today. And it took me 15 f**king seconds. Wrap your head around that one 1962! Holy hell.


See? The Internet is all that is awesome and that is WAY too good to be free. If the Internet was free, the delicate balance of the universe would be turned upside down and the Earth would pop like a pinata full of candy and confetti. And it isn't even my birthday. So even I can understand why we have to pay for the Internet. I am a fair submissive patron to society.


Well now that I'm "almost" over paying for Internet (because in reality I really do wish it was free. Like air. And...air. Is air the ONLY free thing on Earth??), on to the picture of the day. Which is completely unrelated to this post. Again. Because there are no penguins to take pictures of around here.


Calen likes to get himself dressed. He's new at it and it takes about 30 years for him to get one shirt on. But it's really cute in a "I'm trying to be a big boy but I'm ending up looking like an octopus trapped in a mailbox" sort of way. Which gives me plenty of time to take pictures of it (and watch penguins while he's struggling to get his head through the sleeve). 

at least he got all the right body parts in the right holes this time

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